Not Quite What I Wanted For Christmas.

Let's see.....what did I get for Christmas? A computer virus. At least that's what I think is wrong with my computer. Spiderman says it hates me. Since my laptop was also down for the count I've had to gasp Be.Without.The.Internet. I know, I've been dying! But today Carlos the Dell man came and fixed my laptop so I no longer have to suffer. I called today to schedule an appt for him to come look at it and he happened to be 10 minutes away. 12 minutes later and I'm online! I love Carlos and wish him nothing but good things.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the entire Spoonful Family!
Yeah, they hate me.

O Christmas Tree.....

The mostest beautiful tree in the whole world. Of course I may be a little biased.

Boot Drama

I'm beginning to think the fates are working against me.
I walked into DSW today brandishing my shiny gift card and tingling with the excitement of a boot purchase. I tried on several pairs. They hurt my feet. Other ones that I liked weren't in my size. I have to say, the selection of boots was really picked over. The sales guy said to me that "boot season" was over. Over? I see people wearing boots all year round. What the heck is he talking about? He did suggest that I look online as the selection is better.
I'm a little leery of buying shoes online. I have to try them on before I buy them. What if they don't fit right or hurt my feet.
Has anyone bought shoes online?
Did you have a good experience?

God Doesn't Want Me To Have New Boots

I have been kinda down this week. I'm not sure if it's all the impending holiday fuss, hormones, the fact that I don't have little people to share Christmas with, or the fact that I need a vacation from my life. Whatever it is I've been bummed.
Last night I was flipping through my Glamour (yes I read Glamour) magazine and noticed all the cute winter boots throughout the magazine. I love me some boots! I could wear them every day. What I really want are a pair of Uggs, but since I can't really justify spending $200 on boots right now I don't have any. I told all this to Spiderman, and he said "Hey, didn't we get a DSW gift card for Christmas from Spidermom last year?" Sure enough, we did and still had it. I checked the balance and found out it was a $50 gift card. Yea boots! I checked the DSW website to plot which pairs I wanted to try on. (I'm a very efficient shopper) All day today I was excited. I kept telling people about my great boot luck and even sang a happy boot song accompanied by a happy boot dance.
Then, when it was time to leave work, I walk outside.
Into this:Son of a Bitch.
I really wanted those boots.
But not enough to die for them as the roads are awful.
I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

One Hat Down.....

Remember me mentioning a knitting class I was taking? Well, I finished my first project.

This hat. It turned out pretty good if I do say so myself.

Look at the hat and not at me in this picture as I got up at 7am to go to class.

Now I just have to finish the matching scarf!

Jonas Brothers Wrapping Paper?!?

I was shopping with my mother yesterday at Target. We were in the Christmas section and looking at wrapping paper. I am banned from buying wrapping paper this year. Every year I keep buying more and forgetting the rolls I had left over from the previous year. Let me just tell you, I have a LOT of paper. Anyway....we were looking at the paper and came across a roll of Jonas Brothers wrapping paper. I made her promise me that none of my presents would be wrapped in this paper. Then I started to wonder. Who were MY Jonas Brothers? Surely I was never a boy-crazy little girl buying teenie bopper magazines and hanging pictures on my wall. Then I remembered.
Exhibit A: Ralph Macchio
I distinctly remember an argument with another little girl in the neighborhood about who was going to marry Ralph that resulted in me taking my stash of My Little Ponies and going home. In case you were wondering, neither of us married him.
Exhibit B: Kirk Cameron
Oh, how I loved Kirk. I used to write Sarah Cameron on all my folders and watched Growing Pains regularly. I cut his pictures out of TeenBop. My mother would not let me thumb tack them to the wall, but we compromised. I was able to get a large bulletin board and hang the pics on that. Sigh. He was dreamy.
Exhibit C and D: The Boys of 90210
When I was in Junior High these boys replaced Kirk on my Wall of Fame. I never could decide who I liked better, but I knew for sure that I hated Shannon Doherty.
Exhibit E: Dean Cain aka Superman

Oh, yeah. I tuned in every week to watch this man in his tights. Come on, who wouldn't? He filled the suit out very nicely.

Maybe I was being too harsh of today's little girls and their Jonas Brother paper. I definitely could have seen myself begging for presents wrapped up in any of these guys way back when.

So tell me, Who were YOUR Jonas Brothers?

Wordless Wednesday - Festive Kitty

Negative Challenge

Everyone seems to be negative lately. I don't know if it's something in the air, or something about this time of year, or what. Even I feel myself fighting it. The other day, my mother posted a meme on her blog that's all in the negative. It's based on one of those emails that she got where they ask all sorts of questions. She came up with some questions of her own and I found it interesting.
Here's what I came up with.

List Five T.V. shows that you will never watch – no, never.
1. Any of the CSI's. They annoy me.
2. The Biggest Loser
3. Knight Rider---I just can't.
4. Law and Order
5. SportsCenter

Five foods I HATE and refuse to eat.
1. Meatloaf
2. Tomatoes
3. Mayonnaise....on anything
4. Italian Sausage
5. Tuna

Five places I don’t have any interest in visiting.
1. Graceland
2. Iraq
3. Dollywood
4. Antarctica....it's very cold there
5. Singapore

Five things people at work/in my family do to annoy me.
1. Guilt trips
2. Call me during my favorite TV shows
3. Act like what they are doing is more important than what I'm doing
4. Make me late
5. demand my help and then refuse it--this is mostly from patients

Five worst gifts you received. (oh, yeah…I did)
1. Barrettes my grandmother got me from a garage sale with hair still in them. Gross.
2. A Nurse figurine.....I'm an RT not a nurse!
3. a set of diamond earrings that I had to give back. (It was 2nd grade and they were taken from the little boys' mother's jewelry box)
4. A sweat shirt that had embroidered flowers on it. Very old lady.
5. a regifted sweater that was too small

What are your answers to this meme? I tag anyone who wants to participate. Let me know if you post about it as I'd like to read your answers!

Cooking with Spoonful of Sarah

Easy-Peasy Chicken Pot Pies
I recently discovered that making homemade individual pot pies is extremely simple. They're wonderful to have on a cold snowy day and they hardly take any time at all.

Purchase Pillsbury ready-made pie crusts. Bring them to room temperature in the refrigerator until ready to use. For the sake of this recipe, I'm going to make two individual pies.
Next, you'll need individual oven safe mini casserole dishes. I recently purchased these at Pier One. I love them.
Unroll the pie crust and place the dish upside down and cut a circle slightly larger than the dish. I would say about 1/2 an inch to a whole inch. (Depends on how much you like the crust) You will need two of these circles...one for each dish.
The rest is just assembling. You'll need a large family size can of cream of chicken soup. (or two regular size cans) Put in a sauce pan. Add to that about a cup of either water or chicken broth.
To the pan add cooked and cubed/shredded chicken. (again your preference) I use 1 chicken breast. Cook on low heat until the soup becomes smooth. It tends to be thick and chunky when it comes out of the can.
Turn off the heat and add half a bag of frozen mixed veggies. Stir mixture until the veggies are evenly covered and distributed into the soup.
Season the soup mixture with salt and pepper to taste and pour into the mini casserole dishes. I like them with lots of pepper.
Place the two circles of crust over the dishes tucking the sides to the edge of the dish. Don't forget to cut two slits into the crust to ventilate. I forgot this once and the pot pie exploded a little. It wasn't pretty.
Finally, place the pot pies on a cookie sheet and bake at 375 degrees for about thirty minutes. You'll want to bake them until the crust is golden brown.
These smell so yummy when they are finished! I always burn the roof of my mouth because
I can never wait until they are completely cool to eat them. I'm getting hungry just looking at the picture!

Bon Appetite!

Shitty Day at the Chamber of Horrors

If my life was a book today it would be titled : Sarah and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
My boss's boss thinks that educating the students isn't enough work and I should be doing more. She has no idea what it is I do. She's been bugging two other people in our department on the management "team" that we don't work. HELLO? Could it be that you have NO IDEA what it is we actually DO all day? Has she ever followed us? No. Is she even an RT (respiratory therapist)? NO, she's a nurse....and nursing is a whole Different job. (not to knock nurses...but it's like comparing apples to oranges)
She also only comes to check on our department between the hours of noon and one pm. Then she complains that everyone was sitting and no one does any work. Again...what are you mentally challenged? It's freakin' lunch time! Of course we're all sitting there. We're EATING! By law we're allowed a lunch break. Most of the time we don't even get that.
I don't think she should take a small sampling of our time and incorrectly use it to determine our productivity. She never sees us on the floors working our butts off (I wish that were literally true, I'd be so skinny!) She doesn't take notice of the countless times we all work straight through our breaks when we're down in CT or MRI or I don't know....saving people's lives.

Deep Breaths

More Deep Breaths

Okay, I'm better now. I just had to rant a bit. I seem to be doing a lot of that here lately, but it's cheaper than therapy and right now I'm poor. I think after this day I need to put on my toasty flannel nightgown and make a homemade pizza. Sometimes, pizza fixes everything.

Christmas Wishlist

Inspired by the season of gluttony and greed and as part of a Bloggy Carnival with Melanie I'm posting my Christmas Wishlist. If money were no object, here's what I'd like this year.

1. A new camera. A Nikon D60. My current camera is crap compared to this fabulous one.
2. New cookware. My pots and pans don't match and I'd like chef quality.
3. Furniture from Crate and Barrel or Ikea
   
4. The services of a masseuse for one year. It might help with my migraines.
5. A month to travel the world. I have so many places I want to go.

If money were no object, what would YOU like to find under your tree this year?

An Open Letter

To the little old man in the car behind me the other morning as I went to work.
Thank you for laying on your horn for a full minute because I.....gasp.....actually stopped...at the stop sign just outside my neighborhood. I really appreciated it. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not grab my ice scraper and shatter your windshield with it.
I am not a morning person.
And you are an asshole.

A Day of Giving Thanks....

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! In the spirit of the holiday I want to share with you some of the things I'm thankful for. (Plus it's a list, and I LOVE making lists)

1. My health and the health of my family and friends (I see firsthand every day how important that is)
2. My Husband (cuz he's swell)
3. My friends and family
4. My house (when so many are losing theirs)
5. My job ( I'm glad I still have one in this economy)
6. That I'm actually off work to enjoy this holiday (a shout out to those at the Chamber today, I feel for ya)
7. The huge gluttonous meal I will be having later today at my mother's house

As the season of commercialization and greed is about to begin, it's nice to reflect for a few moments about what it is we are truly thankful for.

Women are Bitches

Okay, so maybe the title is a little harsh. This post wasn't triggered by anything in particular, it's just something that's been on my mind lately that I wanted to address. My sister-in-law (we'll call her Spiderteen) is a sophomore in high school. She's having some issues with the girls there. She's pretty, smart, sporty, good at just about everything, and thanks to having two older brothers comfortable with boys. Of course some of her peers are intimidated and threatened by her. They're starting rumors and generally being bitchy. From my past experiences, I can totally relate and this upsets me.
When boys/men fight they punch it out and the problem is resolved...they go shoot some hoops. When girls/women fight, they set out to systematically ruin your life. They are manipulative and say some of the most hurtful, spiteful things. Studies show (I remember reading them somewhere, don't ask me to be specific cuz this isn't a research paper) that this behavior starts even at a very early age. Preschool age. It's appalling!
As women, we struggle so hard to get ahead in this "man's" world and it's never going to happen as long as we are sabotaging each other. We need to get past this. Girls who behave this way are growing up and teaching their daughters that it's okay to behave like this. The cycle continues on and on. At some point we have to stand up and say THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! We need to stop the backbiting ourselves and teach our daughters to do the same. If we can't do this, we really don't stand a chance. We'll continue to get paid less than men for doing the same job. We'll continue to get condescending pats on the head whenever we try to "think" too hard, and we sure as hell will never see a woman as president.
So here's my question: Who's with me?

I Hate to Be the Bad Guy But....

How do you deal with difficult people? This is a question I seem to ask myself all the time. Normally, I am a person who avoids confrontation, but at a certain point, enough is enough. At work, I have a student that is giving me a hard time. I don't know what I ever did to her, but she walked in the door with attitude. Half the time she completely ignores me and acts like I'm not there and the other half she's snippy. They graduate in 3 weeks. I still have to give her an evaluation. Her skills aren't the problem, it's totally her attitude. I realize that she's young (21), but she's going to be entering a profession and she's going to have to act like a professional.
My dilemma is, how should I handle the situation. Do I talk to the professor who oversees her clinicals? Do I pull her aside and tell her to knock it off? Do I let it slide because, hey, she's graduating in 3 weeks?
The rest of her class has been awesome. Why can't she just behave like them? I don't want to have to be the bad guy.....but she makes me want to smack her with some of the comments she makes. HELP!

Movie Madness Twilight Style

I am totally a 13 year old girl. As part of Jen's Movie Madness Weekend I'm posting about Twilight. My sister and I went to see it last night. I have to say, I was giddy. The books so consumed my life that I couldn't wait to see them on the big screen.
Here are some of my impressions: Warning! May contain spoilers! (or not, everyone's read the books)

• I love the casting. I think everyone looked almost like I imagined it. Robert Pattinson is AWESOME as Edward. I think I may now have a little crush. He's very intense. And dreamy.
  
• I realize books are hard to translate on screen, but I feel that some of the intensity of Bella and Edward's relationship got lost.
• I think they should have played up the fact that Edward can read minds a little better. They kind of glossed over the whole thing. I feel it's important because that (and her scent) was what initially drew him to her....the fact that he couldn't read her mind. She was a mystery to him.
• The book makes such a huge deal about everyone's excitement to Bella's first day. I didn't feel that from the movie.
• I really enjoyed the end scene with James. It looked almost exactly like I imagined it would.
• I was disappointed with the whole almost-smushed-by-a-van scene. It was over so fast...a little anticlimactic for me.
  
• Can I just say? Edward playing the piano? What is it about a sexy man playing the piano that makes me want to change my undies! I LOVE it!
• I think overall, the movie was over too soon. I wanted it to continue.
  

When I got home last night I was torn about whether I liked it or not. I must have because I dreamt about it. I guess I'll just have to go see it again to know for sure!

Wordless Wednesday

And more to come tomorrow!

The Season Has Begun

This weekend I officially started my Christmas shopping. I have gifts. Not many, but I now have a start. With the economy being the way it is this year, I doubt people are going to have big Christmases this year. It make me kind of sad as Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love everything about the Christmas season. I love afgans, cable knit sweaters, and flannel. I love hot homemade soups, stews and bread fresh from the oven. I'm a big tea drinker and there's nothing like a nice mug of tea after sledding or even shoveling the driveway. I love twinkle lights and ornaments. I think Christmas music is just gorgeous and I watch all the holiday specials every year like a freak. I love sitting by a crackling fire and warming my feet and hands. Every year I bake at least 5 batches of different kinds of christmas cookies along with the Spoonful family recipe fudge. I love shopping for gifts and wrapping them. I'm usually so excited about what I purchased for everyone that I want them to open it as soon as I buy it. I even love getting together with all the family.
For the past 8 years I've had to work more than my fair share of Christmases and it would make me a little sad. This year, with my new job, I don't have to. It makes me a little teary to think about it.

My Newest Story....It's a long one.

Here's my newest story since my reader(s) requested it. This was based/inspired by a guided writing exercise we did in class that I expanded on. It's a little long, but I'd be interested in what you all think. Remember: I'm not a great writer and it's probably crap.

Candy always wanted to be a dancer. Ever since she was a little girl she loved any kind of dance. She dreamed of someday going to New York City to become a dancer on Broadway. New York seemed worlds away from the small Texas town of Corpus Christi, where she grew up and still lived. The shithole strip joint where she danced five nights a week was a far cry from Broadway. But Candy had plans. When she wasn’t stripping, she also worked at the Clip n’ Curl as a nail tech. She was saving every penny she could from both jobs to help her get to New York. Every single lap dance got her that much closer to her dream. At least that’s what she kept telling herself, each night, as she dealt with the pawing patrons of the club. The only luxury Candy allowed herself was buying the occasional item for her small apartment. She looked around that apartment now. She had furnished her home as she imagined she would someday furnish her New York apartment. Every month she would pour over her In Style and other designer magazines hoping to steal a glance into a different life. Her couch and curtains were a deep burgundy to offset the taupe walls. In one corner of the room sat her salt water fish tank. It was exactly like the one she’d seen showcased in numerous In Style spreads. What the magazine didn’t mention was that salt water tanks were very difficult to maintain, and the number of her expensive fish was dwindling. Her walls were adorned with posters of her favorite Broadway shows, like Rent, Hairspray and Cats. She wanted to dance in one of those shows one day. She had big dreams.
Class was hard to come by in her small Texas town, and she very much wanted to be classy. Candy’s hair was a little too blond, her make-up a little too heavy, her accent a little too ‘twangy’ to be considered little else than white trash, but she tried. Her bedroom walls were painted a soft sage with matching silk curtains and bedspread. The room would be elegant except for the scattered stuffed animals mixed among the pillows on the bed. These served as a reminder as to the age of its occupant.
At 21, Candy was barely old enough to drink in the Horseshoe club, where she’d been dancing for three years now, ever since her mama kicked her out of their trailer. Her daddy’d never really been in the picture, and her mama had a steady stream of boyfriends for as long as she could remember. At eighteen, Candy was a pretty girl. She had blue eyes and long blond hair that curled in just the right places. She had a petite frame that curved in all the right places too. Her mama’s boyfriend, Joe, had taken a liking to her. Candy was just naive enough to believe that her mama would take her side. Instead, she saw Candy as competition for what she saw as one of the few “good men” of Corpus Christi. Candy wasn’t so naive any more. In order to support herself, she got a job doing the one thing she’d always been good at….dancing. Exotic dancing wasn’t exactly what she’d had in mind, but it paid the bills. She had some regulars and the tips were good. She was getting closer to her goal every day. She’d gotten an apartment a few blocks away from the Horseshoe club, and often walked to and from work to save money on gas. This particular night was a warm one, but at least there was a slight breeze to get the dry air moving. The air was always dry and thick with dust here and Candy found it stifling. The air was even thicker in the club with the addition of dense clouds of smoke. Candy went straight back to the dressing rooms to get changed. She tried to spend as little time as possible in the actual club because she secretly thought she was better than its patrons. She wasn’t going to be stuck in Corpus Christi like her mother or any of the other small town girls who were content to marry young and work at the mall. She was a determined girl and hoped to wash the “small town” off her when she left. Candy was calculating how far she was from her goal as she was changing out of her jeans and tank top. Her friend Gail walked in the dressing room as Candy was applying glitter body lotion. Gail was the complete opposite of Candy. Where Candy was petite, tan and blond, Gail was tall and pale with flaming auburn hair and bright green eyes. Candy looked wholesome and cute, much like the schoolgirl look she used in some of her performances. There was nothing cute and wholesome about Gail. She was raw sex. She reminded Candy a little bit of Jessica Rabbit, and even had the same husky voice. It was through Gail that Candy had met Eddie. Eddie was a real estate developer and a frequent customer at the club. He’d originally set his sights on Gail, but she wasn’t interested. Eddie was a little too polished for her. She had always preferred her men a little rough around the edges. Candy, on the other hand, thought Eddie was just perfect. He was in his late 30’s, handsome, and he was married so he wasn’t looking for a commitment. Candy didn’t want a man to hold her back from her dreams. Eddie wasn’t hurting for money and Candy enjoyed the frequent gifts and lavish meals in the few nice restaurants Corpus Christi had to offer. She saved her money for better purposes.
“What’re you doing this weekend?” Candy asked as she watched her friend brush her silky hair.
“Not much....how about you? You going out with Eddie this weekend?”
“No, he’s out of town this weekend and through till next week on business. I thought we could have a ‘girl’ weekend, maybe check out the new rodeo bar that opened up past the mall.” Candy knew this would be right up Gail’s alley as she loved the rough “cowboy” type that these kinds of bars attracted. Gail was always on the prowl. She was wild and always up for a good time. Sometimes Candy thought about asking Gail to come with her when she left for New York, but was afraid that bringing Gail with her would never let her shed her old life. As much as she loved her, Gail would always be small town. Candy cringed a little, as Gail lit a cigarette and slowly took a drag. The cigarettes were what probably made her voice so husky.
“I heard about that place. I could use a good time. I’ve been arguing with Harry all week about giving all us girls a raise. You know he can afford it.” Harry was the owner of the Horseshoe club. He was good to his girls, but extremely tight fisted with his money. He was in his fifty’s with a pot belly that hung over his belt buckle. His mustache was the same salt and pepper color as his thinning hair.
“I could really use a raise. You know I’m still saving for New York.”
“With working here and at the Clip n’ Curl you should have a pretty sum saved. What’re you still doing here?” Gail asked. “I’d be long gone by now.”
“It seems like every time I get ahead some, something happens. Remember last month when my car broke down? Getting the piece of shit fixed took a huge chunk from my savings.” Candy’s car was a 1989 Ford Escort. It was always breaking down and was another reason she liked to walk to work most nights. She just couldn’t bring herself to spend the money to buy a new one though. It’s not like she would need it once she got to the city. At this point in the conversation, Harry walked into the dressing room.
“I’m not paying you girls to sit in here and chat.” Harry said with a wink, “One of you should get out there, the natives are getting restless.”
Candy finished zipping up her knee-high black high heeled boots. “Sure thing boss,” she said dryly, rolling her eyes at Gail. Candy hoped she wouldn’t be staying at this job much longer. She pushed her way past Harry and onto the darkly lit stage.
The next day, Candy was getting her station cleaned up between clients at the Clip n’ Curl. She liked for her station to be neat like the one’s she’d seen in the nicer salon’s across town. She heard the chime of the door and looked up at the woman entering. She was wearing a cream colored silk blouse and matching cream linen pants. Her hair was perfectly coiffed and Candy could tell it was done in a salon much nicer than this one. She must be here to get her nails done, Candy thought. She looked like the kind of woman who favored pale pink polish, or a French manicure; something subdued and classy. No long, fake, red nails for her, that’s for sure. And she’d probably be a good tipper. She must live on the other side of town in one of the new subdivisions past the highway. The ones where the large stone houses all looked the same with their perfectly manicured lawns, swimming pools, and bored housewives. Candy wondered what brought her to this side of town. Surely there were nail salons near her house. Candy didn’t have to wonder long, as the woman seemed to be heading straight for her.
“What can I do for you today?” Candy asked, a polite smile forming on her lips.
“Well, you can stop sleeping with my husband for starters.” the woman said icily.
Candy was caught completely off guard. “You must be Eddie’s wife.” She managed to get out.
“Yes, I’m Edward’s wife and I’d appreciate it if you left us alone.” the woman said, her voice raising an octave. “Did he tell you we have two small children? Did he? Are you having fun being a HOMEWRECKER?” By this point the woman was screaming. “When I found out he was cheating I had to come down here to see for myself. I expected more. You’re nothing but a cheap little whore and I can’t believe Edward would waste his time with you. This affair ends NOW do you hear me?” the woman asked and without waiting for an answer turned on her heel and left the salon.
Candy was speechless. She never would have imagined that they would be found out. Eddie said that he was careful and his wife had no suspicions. Candy didn’t have to look around to know that all eyes were on her…she could feel it. She was humiliated. The owner, Faye, approached her and said that maybe she should pack it up for the day. Guiltily, she did. As she walked through the salon, her face burning, she could hear the whispers of the other patrons. Candy had always thought of herself as better than the people in this town. She couldn’t bear to think what they must be thinking of her now. Upset, Candy drove to the Horseshoe club. She wasn’t supposed to be working for several hours, but she was hopping to catch Gail there. She needed to talk to someone. Candy held back the frustrated tears as she slammed the car door and walked into the club.
“Is Gail around?” she asked Hank the bartender. Hank was a large, burly, bald man with a black goatee. He acted as occasional bouncer for the club if the occasion called for it.
“Not yet. She should be here in another hour though.” Hank said wiping down the bar. “You’re more than welcome to sit here and keep me company till she comes in though.”
“Thanks, Hank. I think I just might.” Candy said sitting down on a bar stool. She didn’t want to go home. She had to think about what she was going to do next. When Eddie came back from his trip they’d have to break it off. She didn’t need any more humiliation. She watched Hank as he counted down the register and sorted receipts.
“Hank!” Harry called from the store room. “I could use some help in here!”
“Would you do me a favor Candy?” Hank asked glancing impatiently at the store room door. “Would you take these receipts and put them in the safe for me? I’ll be right back.”
Candy often counted down the drawers for Hank. Yet another reason she thought she deserved a raise. “Sure Hank, no problem.” She slipped off the stool and headed around to the other side of the bar. She grabbed the stack of receipts and the envelope that contained the previous nights’ drop and headed into the office behind the bar. She turned the combination to the safe and put the receipts in. Candy hesitated with the envelope for just a second. She slowly opened it. Candy thoughtfully fingered the hundred dollar bills. She thought of how much easier her life would be if she had the money to live her dream. Remembering the humiliation she felt after today’s scene at the salon, she desperately shoved the money in the back pocket of her jeans. She shut the door to the safe and took a deep breath. She was really doing this. Candy walked quickly out of the office. Hank was just coming out of the store room.
“I think I’ll come back later when Gail’s here,” she said grabbing her purse off the bar. Hank didn’t seem to notice as she almost ran to her car. She nervously drove back to her apartment her hands shaking on the steering wheel. Once at her apartment, Candy packed the only suitcase she owned. She filled it with only what she couldn’t bear to part with. It hurt a little to think of leaving behind any of her possessions, but she was going to make a fresh start. She tossed the suitcase in the trunk of her car and headed towards the greyhound station. She was finally going to begin her life. She purchased a one way ticket to New York City and went to wait on a nearby bench. Candy took one last look at the place that would soon be her past. She wasn’t sure if she would ever return to Corpus Christi and the thought made her a little sad. When the overhead speaker announced the imminent departure of her bus, she got up from the bench. Candy grabbed her suitcase and walked purposefully towards her future. Standing in front of the door to the bus, Candy took a deep breath. Here goes nothing, she thought and walked up the steps.

Counting the Clicks

I have to admit. I'm addicted to my blog counter. I often wonder what kind of traffic (if any) I'm getting and who is reading this. Which is why I love Blog Patrol. They give you fairly detailed reports on who is reading your blog each day and how they got there. Not that I check it every day or anything. No, because that would be crazy, right?
Anyway....I was looking at this week's "searches". When people type in these phrases, my blog pops up. I found some of them really funny and thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you.

1. Tea party spoons
Now, I can see how they might have gotten that one. Spoonfull of Sarah and all.

2. Scar the kid
Should I be offended by that? Not really something I want to be known for.

3. Crazy out of control
Sheesh....I'm getting a complex already.

4. Free poke
I'll leave that one to your imaginations.

I'm not entirely sure that those key words capture the "wonder" that is my blog.

Rough Day

Don't really want to post today...it's been kind of a rough one. Four people coded, only one was successful. I hate days like this. And the rainy/sleety weather seems to suit everyone's mood.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

When I Grow Up

Is it just me or are you having a hard time deciding what you want to be when you grow up. I mean, I already have one career, am going to school to pursue another, and yet I still don't feel like I REALLY want to do any of it.
When you're little anything seems possible. Wanna be an Astronaut? Ballerina? Doctor? The sky's the limit, as is your potential. Then as you get older reality sets in. Not smart enough for an astronaut. Not coordinated enough for a ballerina. Doctor....do I really want to be on call all the time? School costs so much money and takes so much time. You should really love what you're doing when you are done. Theoretically. But really, how many of you LOVE what you're doing? Not me. I don't absolutely Hate it (anymore) but I wouldn't say it's my passion or that it's something I see myself doing for the rest of my life. By thirty shouldn't I have this all figured out? I don't know. I think I just get bored doing the same thing for too long. When did I become so indecisive?
Ultimately, I have NO idea what I want to be. I'd say that's true for every aspect of my life. I don't know what I want....but I'm open to suggestions!

I'll leave the decision to you....

I recently finished a story that I was working on for my creative writing class. I worked really hard on this story and handed it in last Thursday. Then I held my breath over the weekend and hoped that my teacher my work. When I went to class this Tuesday, I got the paper back. I quickly flipped to the last page (where he always puts his comments) and there was my grade. A.
He also made the comment that I should continue on with the story. And that I should make copies for the class to read. I did, and will pass them out later on tonight. My question to all you reader(s) is....would you like for me to post it? It's kind of long, but if you want to read it, I will.

Wordless Wednesday

My Backyard....you've gotta love fall!

Fist Fight at the Polls

I got up extra early this morning so that I could vote before work because after work I had class. I am NOT a morning person. Never have been. I get to my polling place before six and start to wait in line. It was a good size line, but it was moving pretty quickly. There was a lady in front of me totally freaking out. She was yelling "I can't believe this...All these DEMOCRATS need to just GO HOME! This is ridiculous, the DAMN DEMOCRATS don't usually vote why are they bothering now?" I could not keep my mouth shut. I told her that I am a democrat and I've voted in every election since I was 18 years old and she needed to SHUT IT! It really pissed me off. She should be happy that there was such a large voter turn out. I'm proud that so many people participated this year. Maybe this will encourage more people to vote in the future. Honestly, it wasn't about being a Democrat or Republican, we should be allowed to cast our votes without being harassed by ignorant, spiteful harpies bothering us. It's our right. Our votes are especially important as women because we had to fight so hard to earn this right.
I hope everyone voted today. I don't care who you voted for, just that you did.

Costume Party Pics

I know everyone is waiting with bated breath for the pictures of Spiderman and I in our costumes, so here goes. Here's Spiderman dressed as "Dr. McNinja". Don't ask why....he's just weird.
I ended up being a little disappointed with my costume. I couldn't get the fangs to stick and let me just say that Fixodent tastes really nasty. So here I am looking a little pissy in my costume. I was just a witch instead.

There were lots of really fun costumes at the party. Hannah Montana, for example, talking to Bam Bam and I think a Fairy.
These two were dressed like the 50's. Her poodle skirt was adorable. I wish Spiderman would do couple's costumes. He hates things like that.
This was a housewife pregnant with the milkman's baby. It was VERY cute in person! We had a lot of fun, and didn't get home till after 1am. I'm really tired today. I think I'll go take a nap!

Happy Halloween!

So here's another reason why I need to have kids....soon.

Tim the Rooster
Petersaurus

Oh, how they hate me! I should probably sleep with one eye open tonight.
We're going to a costume party later tonight and I'll post some pics tomorrow from that.

Trauma Update

Can I just say how pissed off I am at the Porter County Animal Control? They never came. I called them at 4:30pm and that poor raccoon lay on my patio until 9pm when Spiderman noticed that it had disappeared. I have no idea what happened to it, but I hope it doesn't come back today now that it knows where to get food. I'd like to think that it crawled away and died and that it's not still somewhere suffering. It comforts me to think that because the alternative just upsets me more.

Day of Trauma

Today was a busy day at work. Wednesdays are always busy. I have two sets of students. We have two local schools that offer Respiratory programs and I'm the clinical instructor for both. One group comes the beginning of the week and the other comes at the end. On Wednesdays they overlap. It's a little stressful since the programs are different and teach at a completely different pace. There's a huge gap in the knowledge and skills between the two schools as each is in a different place in the program. This makes for a busy day keeping these students entertained while teaching them something and also preventing them from doing bodily harm. My day was just about ending. I had let the students leave an hour early and was going to play catch up on some of my paperwork. Then I got the page. They were shutting down power to an entire wing of the hospital. Unfortunately, this was the wing where both our Cardiac ICU and Neuro ICU are located. We had to move all the patients on life support out of the ICU's and to another wing. It was great fun and exactly how I wanted to end my workday.
When I finally got home I looked out my patio door to find a young raccoon gimping around my backyard. It looked to have a broken leg and was shaking so bad it could hardly get the birdseed it was so frantically trying to get to. Now I don't know why, but this greatly upsets me. I cannot bear to see any animal suffer like this. It keeps wiggling around and is now laying panting and shaking on my back porch. The kitties keep pacing back and forth and banging on the glass. I called animal control and they said it would be several hours before they could get here because "bubba" is out on the boat. I'm sorry, isn't this thier JOB? Isn't this what they get PAID for? I know I sound a little crazy, I don't even get this worked up when I see people suffer. (I think you get numb to it) But this little guy has been laying here struggling for 2 hours now and I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! I hope they come soon before I'm completely traumatized for life.

Projects...How I Love Them!

This weekend I started several projects. I went to my first knitting class on Saturday. I was concentrating on learning how to cast on, knit, and pearl that the 2 hours flew by. I did have a headache when I was done....probably from thinking too hard. I can see how the repetitiveness will help to soothe me, once I know what I'm doing. They gave us an instructional booklet and it has several patterns in it for once I master the stitches. I have my eyes on kitty sweaters. Spiderman just groaned when I pointed them out. Matching argyle kitty sweaters? How cute would that be! (again, I really need some kids)
On Sunday my mother came over. I have been looking for a new bedspread for about a year now and I just can't find a pattern or colors that I like. I really love the one I have, but it is made out of a silky material and the kitty's claws completely wrecked it. So, I decided to make one. I bought all the material and my mother and I cut all the squares yesterday. Now I just have to sew them together and we'll be all set! I'll post the pics when I'm done. Unless it turns out awful. Then you will never hear mention of it again.
With these and work and school and the impending holidays I should be keeping myself pretty busy. If this doesn't snap me out of my funk I don't know what will!

Fun Fact Friday

Here are a bunch of random things about me.

1. I love to watch other people eat. It fascinates me. Everyone has their own little quirks they do when they eat.
2. I can't stand people who eat with their mouths open or smack their lips. I makes me cringe.
3. When watching movies, if an actor/actress has bad teeth, it completely distracts me from the rest of the film. I can't focus on anything other than their teeth. I get this from my mother.
4. I could eat pizza every day. I love it that much. Good thing since we've had vendors bring it for us for lunch three days in a row this week.
5. I have hypothyroidism which makes me fat and tired. (of course, all the candy doesn't help either)
6. Today at the end of my driveway I found what is either the worlds largest worm or the worlds smallest snake. If it's the latter I may lose my mind.
   
7. I'm going to be a vampire for Halloween this year complete with fangs that attach to my real teeth. It says I can eat and drink with them on so it's gotta be pretty strong. I'm not sure how I'll get them off. (With my current obsessions of True Blood and Twilight I figured I HAD to be a vampire!)
   

Wordless Wednesday

For some reason, I'm feeling better today.

Problems with Motivation

I'm almost completely finished with a new story for class. I only have one more scene to write but I'm not sure how I want to approach it. I know what happens in the story, I just can't write it....I'm stalling I guess. I don't know why. The rest of the story flowed from me pretty naturally. Now that I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel....I've run out of steam. Lost my motivation. This seems to be happening to me a lot lately and not just with my writing. By this time I usually have all my Halloween decorations out and have made a serious dent in my Christmas shopping. This year? Nothing. I can't get motivated to do any of this. I can barely get motivated to clean my house. I've been wanting to start a new exercise program...or at least start running or something. I know I'd feel better if I would just get started. Again...no motivation. I keep stalling. I just feel blah. Wishy-washy. Like I would rather take a nap or veg out on T.V. I can't even get motivated to read some of the many books I have piled up. This is completely unlike me. I'm usually jazzed about the upcoming holidays and full of energy. This year I feel zapped.
I'm not sure what it is.
How do you get out of a funk?

Too Much Time

This week, I watched August Rush nine times. Nine times! I can't help myself. I have the digital cable package where I get like 6 HBO's and it's on All. The. Time. And every time it's on, I have to watch it. I don't know why. I love the music ( I downloaded the soundtrack too, I know I'm a geek) and I especially love the ending. For any of you out there who haven't seen the movie, I won't ruin it but it's cute and the song at the end is gorgeous.
I have the perfect attention span for my movie channels. I will watch the same movie over, and over, and over again. HBO makes it easier because for example AR was on at 2pm on Channel 550. It's a 2 hour movie. When it was over, I waited a half hour and it was on Channel 551. It goes on like that all day just moving down a channel. One day I watched Sweet Home Alabama literally all day as if it was on a loop. Yep, I have THAT MUCH TIME on my hands. I need a baby already. Actually, when it's on all day long I tend to leave it on and only watch it in pieces. A little bit here, a little bit there. Clean my house, cook dinner, do homework in between.
Has anyone else seen this movie and did you feel the same as me? I'd be interested to know if I'm just crazy.

MIA

I will probably be MIA for most of this week as I am working on two different stories for my writing class and they are taking up most of my free time. I've got to keep writing while the ideas are flowing. Who knows how long it will last.

Before and After

Spiderman and I have lived in our house for a little over a year now. When we moved in, the entire house was already decorated. While pretty, it was not really our taste. Every wall was painted in muted colors mostly pale yellows, beige and taupe. Now I know that there are a lot of beige people out there, but I am not one of them. That's not to say that I HATE beige....it's just that I can't handle it if EVERYTHING is beige. My downstairs living room, for example, was painted in two different shades of beige.

Please excuse the prominent toilet present in this photo. But do take notice of the nice green color of the bathroom...the only room up to this point that we had painted. Do you see the contrast between the beige and the "Sarah"? It's pretty obvious. Well, this week in honor of our anniversary, Spiderman and I took the week off work. The first thing we tackled? Yep...painting the living room!
Separating the two shades of beige, the previous owners put up a textured border. And then they painted over it. They did this border idea throughout the entire house, let me mention, and it's slowly starting to bubble and peel off in places. This is forcing us to move up our painting time table because it looks like shit and is driving me nuts.
Because we chose this room to start with (it was making me COMPLETELY crazy) the border decided that it would be a total pain in the ass to come off. I had originally considered another border to separate the two different colors we had chosen to paint the room, but after dealing with this border, my mind was changed. Instead we taped off a stripe between the colors. The walls are in an eggshell finish and the stripe is high gloss. I do have to say that I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out.
What do you think?

Wordless Wednesday

Fall is Here!

A Day That Will Live in Infamy....

Two years ago today, Spiderman and I were married. It was a beautiful, sunny, 70 degree day, completely unlike the overcast, chilly day today.Don't you just love my gown? I felt like a princess. It's a shame you can't wear your wedding dress every day, but I understand It would be a little much. Especially for work.
Happy Anniversary! I still love you and would probably marry you again. (I'm kidding, I swear!)

A Shout Out.....Seriously?

Did everyone watch the debates last night? Do any of you seriously think that after that debate Sarah Palin is capable of potentially being the president? Can she even spell the word president? Because not many folksey, "main street Americans" can. Here's what annoyed me about the whole thing.

• It irritated me that she used phrases like "Joe six-pack" and "hockey mom's. Quit trying to sound like the rest of us. You're not like us, you're the governor of the U.S.'s largest state. Last time I checked I wasn't a governor. I can barely make my cats listen to me.
• It's Nu-cle-ar. It's NOT Nu-cu-lar. The moderator got it right. So did Biden. (This is one of Spiderman's biggest pet peeves and I tired from hearing about it last night)
• Did she really "give a shout out" to some third graders? Is that appropriate behavior for a political debate?
• I wished she would have actually answered the questions that were asked of her and not the ones she was coached to answer.
• She must have said the word "maverick" 10 times. Again....annoying.
• I think it's condescending to women that
  a. they think that women will vote for her ONLY because she's a woman
  b. this is the best female republican that they could come up with?
• It made me cringe every time she winked at the camera.
  
• The fact that she is supposed to be a role model for women when she blatantly uses her sexuality and "cuteness" instead of her brain. She is not Shirley Temple nor are her gimmicks "cute".
• It pisses me off that she is sullying the name of Sarah. The rest of us totally Rock!
  

I'm sure Biden was thinking that she was making him look REALLY awesome. In fact, I'm not convinced that she isn't a little bit retarded. I think my IQ dropped a little bit just watching her.

Grumpy and Sleep Deprived

I now have to post from my old "home" computer, otherwise known as the slowest computer in the history of the world. And I have to sit in my office where I can't watch TV or anything. I hate it. They were able to fix the motherboard on my laptop, but stripped a screw while doing it so they have to come back to fix that.....and I need a new keyboard...which will be another visit. Unless I don't want to ever actually type anything. Oh, and the Dell guy won't come after 3pm. I told him that I work till 3pm mon-fri and Spiderman works till 5. You'd think they'd be a little more accommodating since, like, ALMOST EVERYONE has a 9-5 job. They don't have any sort of evening hours? WTF?!?
Sorry if this post is a little grumpy. I'm also sleep deprived. I had to have an EEG performed this morning as I've been having some strange visual disturbances in addition to the migraines that I already suffer from. After mentioning it to my Dr, he thinks it's a possibility that they could be small seizures and wanted to check. That's all fine and dandy....check away....except that there were stipulations when I called to schedule the appointment. I had to come with clean hair (not an issue), couldn't have caffeine or chocolate beforehand (there goes my candy breakfast) and here's the kicker, I could only sleep from midnight to 4am. They wanted me to fall asleep. Midnight to 4am? 4 hours of sleep? They let prisoners of war sleep longer than that! Sleep deprivation is a form or torture you know. Plus I wasn't thinking when I made the appointment and I had all 4 of the students. Needless to say, I was not overly pleasant today. I thought it best that they did a lot of "independent study".
I feel like I can hardly think anymore.
I think I'm going to take a nap.

Breathing....It's Important

See more Jon Lajoie videos at Funny or Die

Black Thursday

My laptop died. I think it had something to do with a glass of lemonade knocked over by one of my asshole kitties. Needless to say I may have to take a small break from blogging until this tragedy is resolved.
Stay tuned......

Worldless Wednesday--Happy 50th Mom!

  (taken last Saturday)

Hospital Corners

Many, many moons ago when Spiderman and I first started dating and he first started sleeping over, I had a little test for him.  Well, it wasn't necessarily a test.  It was a curiosity.   I have to get up several hours before he does for work so that makes him the last person out of the bed.  The first time this occurred I discussed with my girlfriends my curiosity over whether he would make the bed or not.  They didn't think he would.  I was unsure.  

Sure enough, when I got home I went into the bedroom and he had made the bed.  Just how I liked it. (hospital corners, pillow shams and other decorative pillows in place) Everyone agreed.  He was a keeper.

Spiderman and I have been together 6 years now.  This is what the bed looks like most days. (this is a good day...he at least threw the comforter over the whole mess)

So my question is: At what point do men stop trying?

Slightly Better Mood

My next writing assignment is to go someplace that I've always wanted to go and base a story on it.  Since I can't go to my first choice....France....I thought that a more reachable goal would be to go to the new yarn store that opened up in my town not too long ago.  To help lift me out of my funk I signed up for a knitting class.  My grandmother taught me how to crochet when I was a little girl, but I've always wanted to knit.  The classes don't start until October, but I'm still excited.  Just going into the store gave me tons of ideas for my story.  And maybe I'll get a nice scarf or hat to boot!

To further improve my mood, I had a package on my front porch.  I love to get mail of any kind, but especially packages!  I had ordered a few things from LL Bean and they finally came! (well, I say finally, but it really only took 3 days)

I've always wanted this coat, but could never decide on which color to get.  I finally decided on the Stone color.  I can't wait for the cooler fall days so I can wear it.  It's flannel lined!

I already have a flannel nightgown from LL Bean.  It's plaid.  I Love, Love, Love it!  It's my Favorite nightgown since I am always freezing in the winter.  Spiderman hates it, but I don't care.  It reminds him of little house on the prairie.  I just had to get this vintagey-looking one. 

It's going to be a divine winter!

Scary, Crazy, and Out of Control

This past weekend I did not work on editing my story.  I didn't do much of anything.  What I did do, however, is have a major meltdown. 

I could feel the darkness creeping up on me all week prior to this.  I was restless, short tempered and a little bit down.  By the time I was driving home from work on Friday I was starting to unravel.  I had started spotting that day and with it came a major mood swing and not for the better.  I started crying on that drive home and those tears weren't that far from the surface the entire weekend.  I could not stop crying.  Not just crying...shoulder heaving sobs.  I was severely depressed and felt hopeless.  The rational voice inside my head was saying "pull your shit together, Sarah"  but I couldn't help it.  It was beyond my control.  

I found an article on the internet about side effects of Clomid, two of which are mood swings and depression.  This was beyond mood swings.  This was uncontrolled crazy.  This was by far the worst meltdown I've had since starting that stupid medication, but I'm afraid to stop taking it. I don't want to ruin any chances.

Of course it didn't help that we picked Saturday to meet my newest nephew who was only 5 days old. Or that a very pregnant friend of the family was also there, and here I was....barren.( I know how dramatic that sounds, but that was the crazy talking)

It took me several days but today I actually feel like the normal only-slightly-crazy Sarah.  I do have to say that I'm a little bit afraid of what the next month's hormones will bring.

Thanks for Your Support!

I'm glad everyone enjoyed my story.  My teacher, however, did not.  He recommended many changes, so that's what I'll be doing this weekend.

Drumroll Please....My 1st Story

Okay, here it is.....the first story I wrote for my creative writing class.  

The room was quiet but for the soft hum of machines.  The quiet whoosh of the respirator giving breaths is a peaceful sound.  So is the steady beeping of the monitor….the steady beating of a heart.  In my many years as a respiratory therapist I had become almost immune to these noises.  I hardly heard them anymore and the hum filled me with calm.  Things were good when the sounds were peaceful and steady.  The early morning sun is creeping through the blinds indicating the freshness of a new day.  I buttoned the front of my lab coat shutting out the cold blast from the room’s air conditioner.  Hospitals tend to be kept cold for several reasons.  It cuts down on bacteria growth as well as makes it easier for people to breathe.  I think the cool temperatures lend to the calming effect.  It reminds me of the quiet peacefulness after the first snow of the year.   In the early mornings like these I feel that there is order to the universe and I am in control.  I love this about my job.  It’s the one place that I feel capable.  I feel in control.  

A voice startled me out of my calm.  I turned my head to see Mrs. Roberts, the wife of my patient, hope apparent in her eyes.  She’d asked how her husband was doing.  I told her that he was stable.  No better no worse.  This was the part I hated.  I couldn't bear to either crush her hopes or give her false ones.  She’d been coming to sit with her husband every day since the accident that put him here in my ICU.  She would sit by his side and read quietly, her presence a comfort only to her for as far as I could tell her husband hadn’t opened his eyes since being brought into the emergency room.  There had been a terrible car accident.  It had been lightly raining that morning as her husband had been driving to work.  A large truck was trying to beat the stoplight and with the roads being slick couldn’t stop in time.  He barreled into Mr. Roberts’ sedan.  He had literally been hit by a Mack truck.  The entire driver’s side had been smashed in and he’d needed to be cut out of the car.  He’d been rushed here where it was discovered that he had a fractured pelvis, several broken ribs, and a severe head injury resulting in brain damage.  With most of his injuries being internal, he looked pretty good.  Only a few lacerations and bruises were visible.  One would never guess how grave the situation really was.  To his wife and family, it probably looked like he was merely sleeping.  Well, sleeping with several tubes connected to him.  Only I, along with the doctor and nurse, knew better.  The doctors and nurses had spent the last several days trying to convince the family just how irreversible the damage really was.  There was no brain activity.  The doctors wanted to withdraw the respirator.  The family refused.  They still didn’t understand.  You see, they were still hoping for a miracle.  I was kind of hoping for one myself. 

He was a young man, only in his forty’s.  It is always heartbreaking to see injuries this severe in younger people.  It never seems fair.  Yesterday his wife brought in their children.  Their daughter was twelve years old.  She was curious about the machines and threw questions at anyone who came into the room…a nurse in the making.  Occasionally she would squeeze her mother’s hand reassuringly, as if the roles had been reversed and she was the parent.  Her brother, a much younger version of his father, stood wide eyed and silent at the foot of the bed.  At eight years old, I couldn’t tell if he truly understood all that was happening.  All I knew was that their lives would never be the same.  I couldn’t imagine losing a parent that early in life.  It would completely change their lives.

The end of my shift was nearing.  My rounds were finished.  Each patient was taken care of and comfortable in their room preparing for the arrival of their bad hospital food.  While nutritious, hospital food is usually far from gourmet.  I myself was thinking about my upcoming dinner and what I would be preparing once I got home.  I was sitting at a computer just outside the ICU’s doors finishing up my day’s charting, but my mind was wandering.  I was trying to visualize the contents of my refrigerator and hopefully come up with something creative and edible.  Suddenly I heard the noise that all therapists dread…especially at the end of their shift.  Code Blue ICU.   I rushed into the ICU and into Mr. Roberts’ room.  His heart had finally stopped.  The calm was shattered.  The room was filled with frantic voices.  The loud ding of the monitor alarms indicating asystole had everyone moving rapidly and efficiently.  Everyone here had done this many times before.  I heard the loud clang of the crash cart being shoved into the room and rummaged through.  At the head of the bed another therapist had taken him off the respirator and was pushing air into his lungs with an ambu bag.  I began chest compressions.  I felt the cracking of already fragile ribs beneath my hands.  The muscles in my arms screamed as I tried to force his heart to beat again.  The nurses pushed injections of life saving medications through the IV‘s.  I continued to pump away, beads of sweat gathering on my forehead from both the exertion and the body heat of the many people surrounding the bed.  I tried to regain the control that had so easily slipped away.  With all that we could to in medicine, we should be able to save more people.  For some, their time is simply up no matter what we do.  In this job I’ve come to believe in a higher power.  There was a higher power at work today.  Mr. Robert’s heart started to beat again.  His blood pressure was extremely low and without a doubt he would code again and soon.  But this time his family would have a chance to say their goodbyes.  I placed him back on the respirator.  Calm was once again restored to the room.

Mrs. Roberts and the children came in from the waiting room.  Their red rimmed eyes told me that the doctor had finally managed to convince them of the gravity of the situation.  She had finally signed the Do Not Resuscitate orders.  The children, led by their grandmother, solemnly told their father that they loved him and said their tearful goodbyes.  They left the room, their quiet sobs tearing at my heart.  Mrs. Roberts stayed at her husband’s side.  She sat in the chair next to his bed and held his hand.   “It’s okay to go” she whispered in his ear.   In order to give them more privacy, I left the room.  Shortly after, so did he.