Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Scary, Crazy, and Out of Control

This past weekend I did not work on editing my story.  I didn't do much of anything.  What I did do, however, is have a major meltdown. 
I could feel the darkness creeping up on me all week prior to this.  I was restless, short tempered and a little bit down.  By the time I was driving home from work on Friday I was starting to unravel.  I had started spotting that day and with it came a major mood swing and not for the better.  I started crying on that drive home and those tears weren't that far from the surface the entire weekend.  I could not stop crying.  Not just crying...shoulder heaving sobs.  I was severely depressed and felt hopeless.  The rational voice inside my head was saying "pull your shit together, Sarah"  but I couldn't help it.  It was beyond my control.  
I found an article on the internet about side effects of Clomid, two of which are mood swings and depression.  This was beyond mood swings.  This was uncontrolled crazy.  This was by far the worst meltdown I've had since starting that stupid medication, but I'm afraid to stop taking it. I don't want to ruin any chances.
Of course it didn't help that we picked Saturday to meet my newest nephew who was only 5 days old. Or that a very pregnant friend of the family was also there, and here I was....barren.( I know how dramatic that sounds, but that was the crazy talking)
It took me several days but today I actually feel like the normal only-slightly-crazy Sarah.  I do have to say that I'm a little bit afraid of what the next month's hormones will bring.


Brandi said...

I am so sorry Sarah that you were feeling bad this weekend. Call me if you feel that way again and we will go to our fav. resturant and fill or self's with food and wine!!!!
Hope you are doing better and call me if you need too.

My Wonderful Men said...

Baby stuff can be hard when you are dealing with what you are dealing with.
Hang in there, many bloggy hugs for you.

Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

Hang in there girl. Eyes on the prize!

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry you had a rough weekend. All that and the crazy rain and floods. I hope things improve, and the side effects lessen. My best friend just started that med, and I'm waiting to hear how she's doing.