Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the Spoonful Family!

I'll Need Frequent Infusions of Estrogen at My House

Thanks to those of you who had suggestions and words of encouragement on my last post. I'm sure inspiration will just hit me someday or I'll just kind of fall into a new job. That's how I ended up in Respiratory to begin with. I don't anticipate it happening soon and even if it does I just might be too tired to notice because....I just found out I'm now going to be the mother of TWO boys.

Yes, I'm having another boy. Like my girlfriend says I'm going to be elbow deep in dick.

It does make things easier since I have all the boy stuff already and I know how boys work. I do have visions of Jack and his little nameless brother bringing home snakes from the woods for their mommy. Have I mentioned before how terrified of snakes I am?

Also there is something appealing about being the only girl in a house full of boys....kinda like the Queen Mum.

But now the hard part starts: Spiderman and I have to agree on a name for this kid. This is going to be no easy feat as Spiderman wants to call him Jack's brother or Not Jack.

What boy names do you like?

Any Suggestions?

What did you want to be when you grew up? That’s a question I’ve
asked myself over and over throughout the years. Actually, I asked
myself that just last week. I’m still undecided. Seriously,
shouldn’t I know by now?

Here’s a list of what I have wanted to be in the past:
1. Wonder Woman
2. Nurse
3. Lawyer
4. Day and Night Barbie
5. Writer
6. Doctor (Cardiothoracic surgeon to be more specific)

Notice what’s not really on my list? Respiratory Therapist. Not
even remotely close to being on my list? Respiratory Therapy
Supervisor.
On my bad days at work I REALLY want to resign but then I think “what
else can I do?”
I mean, I’m not really qualified to do much else. I’m not
exceptionally good at anything in particular that people would go “you
should really do THIS”.

I can’t imagine myself doing this for the rest of my life. It’s
too depressing to think of. I just don’t know what else I could do or
even want to do.

I may have to start asking little children what they want to be…cuz
I’m looking for ideas.

Do you have any suggestions?

I Kinda preferred Zoey Deschanel...

Some of you readers may know about my HUGE addiction to the written word. My crazy need to read everything out there. I do have some favorites though and Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series is one of them. I even was lucky enough to go to a book signing a few years ago and meet the author herself! I'm currently reading book 17 and anxiously awaiting book 18 out later this month.
So imagine how excited I was to hear they were making the first book into a movie. Anyone who reads a book gets an idea of certain characters in their head. This idea gets especially ingrained when it's a series and the characters become beloved. I recently watched the trailer for the movie and I have to say I'm disappointed with the casting. Katherine Heigl as Stephanie? Seriously? Just because an actress is bankable doesn't mean they are right for a part. I don't have anything personal against Katherine. I like her well enough. I tend to see and enjoy most of her movies....especially ones with my boyfriend Gerry in it. But she is NOT Stephanie.

I will still probably see the movie because I can't help myself, but I cant guarantee that I will like it.

Have any of you read the books? What do you think of the casting? Do you think you'll see the movie?

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from my Happy Little Monkey!

A Little Better

Today I had kind of a scare at my doctor's appointment. They couldn't find the heartbeat for about 15 minutes. The nurse was getting nervous and both Spiderman and I were freaking out. They finally found it but that moment of terror was just the shake up I needed to get me out of my funk. Also? My doc gave me some meds to help with the constant headache I've had for almost 2 weeks.

So this post is going to be about all the things I'm grateful for to help remind me not to be so crabby.

• I'm pregnant. Two years ago I never thought that would EVER happen, much less twice.
• I have a wonderful hubby who cooks me dinner most nights and puts up with me when I'm crazy and crabby. Married for 5 years and together for almost 9, I'm very lucky.
• Jack brings me so much joy. Just thinking about seeing his little face makes me grin from ear to ear.
  

Gratuitous Jack Pic

• I have awesome friends that I need to see more than I do. They help to remind me who I am.
• It's fall and I LOVE fall!

Crabby Pants

I've been wanting to blog but I have been such a crabby Eeyore lately that I thought it probably better if I didn't. But then weeks passed and my mood never improved so here's a random post about what's been going on here.

• I'm tired. All. The. Time. Jack and I have the same bed time.
• I've been trying to slowly go though all the crap in my office/junkroom to make it into the new baby's room.
• My new mattress? It came, but only after drama from JCPenney about the delivery which resulted in me cancelling the order entirely and purchasing one from The Bedding Experts. Lesson? Don't buy anything from the JCPenney Homestore if you actually want it to be delivered to your house.
• Did I mention that I am tired? And pukey?
• We also had to put my cat, Tim to sleep. Tim and I were together since I was 18. He was my baby when I couldn't have babies. I didn't take it well.
• I have bags and bags of Halloween candy that I am not allowed to eat. Spiderman bought be decoy candy. It's running out....

So yeah, that was exactly the depressing post I was trying to avoid. But to be fair I DID warn you.

Please do me a favor? Leave me a comment telling me SOMETHING good.

I need it.

Princess and the Pea

Did you know that with your second baby you start showing right away?

Like as soon as the stick is positive?

It helps if you still haven't entirely lost all the baby weight from the first one too.

So what else have I been up to? (Other than not fitting into my pants...)

Between the increased duties at work, a very busy toddler, and my regular commitments I'm beat. It doesn't help that I'm sick to my stomach all day long and tired like I have mono. (I forgot how wonderful the first trimester is) Jackson and I have the same bed time.

Which leads me to the highlight of my week.....I bought a new mattress!!

The mattress that I have now is 11 years old and frankly sleeping on a board would be more comfortable. It was a cheap mattress 11 years ago when I bought it. At the time my mother was selling the house I grew up in and I was still living at home and in Respiratory school. I had been sleeping in a twin bed and when we moved I bought a queen sized bed with the intentions of taking it with me when I left. I bought the nicest one I could afford which wasn't much considering I was still in school.

I've extended the life of this mattress by buying memory foam mattress toppers. I've been through 3 of them, and my body is starting to ache every morning. As I get more and more pregnant I just won't be able to sleep on it anymore. So we bought the new one which was difficult. It's hard to properly judge a mattress when the one you have is such crap. They ALL felt better than the one I have now. Also? I would need to lay on it for a whole afternoon to properly tell if it works for me and they tend to frown upon that. But we picked one and fingers crossed it will be fabulous.

And it comes on FRIDAY!!! I also bought a new mattress pad, pillows, and two sheet sets (I have some really ratty ones). I'm holding off on using any of it until the new mattress arrives.

So Friday night I'm going to take a warm bath and get into some fresh jammies, in clean sheets, on my new pillow and mattress. Can anything be more delicious?

I just hope Jack's on board cuz mama needs some sleep!

The Big O-N-E!

I'm sorry I haven't posted in forever but I've been busy at work and chasing around a BIG/little boy while planning his First Birthday Party.
For his actual Birthday on Tuesday, Spiderman and I took him to Schoops for dinner. He had chicken strips, fries, some of my burger, and his favorite....chocolate milkshake! He had an awesome time, loved everything he ate and flirted with the waitresses.

On Saturday we had a party at the house. Here's a pic of the birthday boy.
So serious.
We opted for cupcakes instead of a whole cake. I thought it was a better idea since we had several kids at the party and this way everyone had their own "cake". Jackson liked the singing but I don't think he was sure what was going on. We put his high chair in the garage where we had set up tables. This made for easier clean up.This was his first taste of cake but not his first of frosting. I have given him little tastes in the past. I can't help it, I have a sweet tooth too!
Such a messy boy! He even had cake up his nose! My aunt snuck him a second cupcake and he was up and wired until after 9pm from that.
When he was done with his cake Spiderman rinsed him off with the hose. He loved that part almost even more than the cake. It was entertaining for at least 25 minutes as he ran through the spray of water giggling and squealing.

He was also VERY into opening his presents.
Once he caught on he ripped each one open with the glee that only a child can have. Spiderman was very good at moving the opened present out of the way while I got him ready for the next one. The gift opening went smoothly without a single fit over wanting to play with his toy instead of continuing on.

The last present was from Mommy and Daddy and caused quite a stir among the guests....

I've become a Lemming

Spiderman and I like food. We both enjoy cooking and going out to nice restaurants. Because of this our food budget is getting a little outrageous. We also are not very organized shoppers. When we go to the store we inevitably forget something and have to go back. Every trip to the store we end up getting what's on the list and then some. I'd say I go to the grocery store at least once a week (sometimes twice) and spend about $1-200 a trip.

This adds up and I don't know about you, but I can't afford it anymore. Add to this the increasing price of gas, diapers, and generally everything else and we'll be broke in no time!

This week Spiderman and I decided to join Costco. Up until today I had never even been to a warehouse store. I've never seen anything like it. You can buy a TV, beef brisket, 900 diapers, a 5 gallon jug of olive oil, tires and a casket all in one place! I'm gonna need that casket because on our first visit Spiderman and I spent almost $500. I almost had a heart attack! We waited to go until we were out of almost everything. Other than a few things that I can get at Aldi we shouldn't have to go to the grocery store for quite a while! We're going to go back in two weeks to get a few more things for Jack's first Birthday party but other than that we're set.

I just have to keep telling myself to breathe because I can't believe we spent that much money all at one time!

How do you feel about warehouse clubs? Am I the only one who goes this crazy the first trip?

Zumba Crazy

I took a Zumba class for the first time the other day. About 20 minutes into it I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Every time she would let us break to drink some water I thought about making a break for it. I think my instructor was on crack she had so much energy and I could wring my clothes out when I was finished.

So why am I going back tonight?

Because my fat ass is a glutton for punishment....

11 months!

I'm 11 months old today!

Childrearing Lesson # 150

What happens when you don't pay attention to a teething child in the grocery store?
They eat a frozen pizza.

A Difficult Game

Among the many new tasks I have to do for my "new" position the staff schedule is probably my LEAST favorite. Including the PRN staff there are over 40 employees in my department. They all have unique availability with school schedules, sitter schedules, and the fun fact that I need 24 hour coverage. Some do 8 hour shifts only some do 12 hours shifts only. Others like doubles or a mixture of the 3.

But not all together.

Or they want them all together in one long marathon of work with a longer stretch off between. I have a grid of boxes. The top of the boxes is the date. The side of the boxes are the employees. The bottom boxes are my shift tally. With all the availability issues, scheduling for my department is kind of like a very complex game of chess.

If the pieces yelled at you.

I have learned that you can never make everyone happy...especially with their schedules.

The Cutest Little Business Man EVER!

Jack at his baptism.

Shit Really Does Run Downhill

Since becoming the supervisor in my department my job duties have changed drastically. I never knew so much was involved behind the scenes to running a hospital. I have been going to meetings with the other "leadership" in the hospital and it has been another eye opener. When I go to these meetings everyone is like "We're so awesome! This is the Best hospital EVER! We Can Do Anything!! Great Job Everyone!!!!" Everyone is smart and positive and glowy. Then I go back to my department with the people who are on the front lines. The ones who do all the heavy lifting.

They are not so positive and definitely no one is glowy.

I kind of want to stay at the meetings. Who wouldn't? Job satisfaction greatly improves the higher you go up the ladder. I've really had to adjust my mindset drastically which was surprising to me since I've only gone up one small rung. But I'm not "one of the gang" anymore. What I say has some weight to it. I represent more than just myself. I also have to make hard decisions now that I didn't have to before. I have to deal with the fact that some people are going to hate me just because I'm the boss. I also have resistance from others because they know me as a coworker and now they have to listen to me. There are a few in particular that have no respect for me as their boss and are giving me a hard time. I'm not sure how to handle them. They are confrontational people and try to bully me into getting their way. I just try to keep consistent and hope that with time they will accept me.

What else should I do to earn their respect? How do you handle confrontational people?

Silly Daddy

Can you tell who dressed me this morning? Notice the red Christmas socks? Too funny!

I have a real post planned about work, I just need to find the time to write it so stay tuned...

Nine Months

Jackson,

I cannot believe you're already nine months! You're such a big boy and you think you're even bigger than you are. Your BFF is a 6 year old and I know that you think that you are peers.
You're the most nosy, curious little guy and get into absolutely EVERYTHING.
And everything goes into your mouth. Sometimes you bite, but we're working on that. Right now you have 4 teeth and working on 3 more which makes you really crabby at times. Speaking of crabby...you're "baby mood swing". One minute you're happy and giggly and the next you're screaming your little head off. Every night it's a huge surprise that you have to put on pajamas. We argue and you cry. We argue a lot. You very much have your own opinions and ideas about what you're going to do. Like standing in the bathtub. And standing in your carseat. You'd be a lot happier if you could ride standing in the backseat of the car with your head hanging out the window to let the wind blow your little hair.

You love to stand.

You pull yourself up on everything and walk all along the furniture and coffee table. I don't think it will be too much longer until you take off on your own. Then we're really screwed.

Because you're fast

I wish I could tell you your favorite food, but you are such a good eater there is very little you don't love. You kick your little legs and grunt for more at most every meal. We've been giving you bits of real food to try instead of just baby food. Like cooked carrots, fruit, pieces of bread, and cheese. You do seem to REALLY love cheese though. That's how I know you're my kid because you look a LOT like your Daddy.

You love playing with your toys now and especially love anything that has wheels that you can push back and forth. Cars, trucks, the bottom rack of the dishwasher...you love to push them around for hours. You're also fascinated by the vacuum cleaner. You chase me all over the house while I vacuum. For some reason it fascinates you instead of scares you. In fact very little scares my fearless guy. Except the car wash. I'm not sure why.

Everywhere we go everyone loves you and you love to turn on the charm. Giggling, smiling, and flirting. You're definitely a charmer.

Jack-in-a-box

And we love you.

Love,
Mommy

Happy Mother's Day!

So far I'm really enjoying my first Mother's Day. Spiderman let me sleep in until 10....that hasn't happened in FOREVER. Then he made me breakfast and later we went to join our mothers for lunch. The rest of the day was spent hanging with my little man. Happy Mother's Day from me and Jack!

Three Days

That's how long it took me to come off my NYC high. The Workshop was WONDERFUL! There are no words to describe how life changing it was for me. I met some awe inspiring women who have caused me to rethink so many things about my life.

So where have I been?

I got back and hit the ground running. Since then I've been busy trying to implement some of the things I've learned. I am trying to change my outlook, declutter my house and life of all things unwanted, plan an educational symposium at work, plan Jack's baptism (finally), "play" more, exercise more, and generally be happy more.

We had Spiderman's birthday, Easter, and my sister's birthday. I helped my sister move into her new apartment and now my grandmother's in the hospital (and soon to be moving into assisted living).

I'm desperately trying to not let the "dementors" at my work poison my soul again. There are people there who are so miserable and hateful that they want to make my life miserable and see me fail. I will not let them.

Change is hard and takes time, but I think I have made some positive steps.

So what have YOU been up to?

The Longest 2 Days EVER!

I don't often do things just because I want to. I usually have a reason. Something to gain. It usually has a purpose. I spend much of my time working. At work, at home, sometimes even Jack is work. It's easy to lose yourself in the daily grind.

I also have many regrets in my 33 years. Things I wished I'd done. I don't want to keep accumulating them.

Ever since I was a little girl I've wanted to go to NYC. I remember playing with my Day & Night Barbie and imagining I was her. I would live in the city and be a business lady by day and turn my skirt around and party by night. I have not done that. In fact, I have never even been to New York.

But that is about to change.

My awesome sister-in-law is the founder of the Triple W Forum. It's a working woman's workshop that helps women going through life changes to integrate work with their home lives and to identify and achieve their goals. She recently launched her first workshop here in Chicago this past fall and it was HUGELY successful. Having just had Jack I was unable to go and I was very disappointed, but I told her that I would try to go to the next one. Well, the next one is in New York! With my surgery and the complications and crap I wasn't sure if I should go. I mean, it's expensive. I would have to take a day off work and I used up all my PTO with medical stuff. There were a million reasons not to go.

Basically, I talked myself out of going. Last Sunday after having a totally craptastic week at work I decided to call my sister-in-law. "Is it too late to sign up?" I asked her. She said no. I then talked to Spiderman and he said if I wanted to I should just do it. He encouraged me to book it right then before I changed my mind.

So I did.

This Thursday evening, after I get off work, I am flying to New York. I CAN HARDLY STAND IT!!!!! The workshop is going to be Awesome. I'm going to meet some fabulous women and hopefully learn some things from them. Plus? I'm going to get the chance to do some sight-seeing before I come home on Sunday. While I'm going to miss my boys terribly I have to admit this is going to be Wonderful! To want to do something and just do it? It feels so decadent!

So my question is: If you were going to New York for the first time what would you HAVE to see?

I'm officially an asshole

We had a few nice days last week so Spiderman and I took Jack to the park on St. Patrick's day to use the baby swings. While we're there swinging another couple comes up with their little girl. She's really teeny and cute and they start pushing her on the swing next to us.

All of us new parents are taking pictures and making faces and the kids are looking at times like tiny hostages of the paparazzi. The father of the little girl was very chatty and asked us how old Jack was. I told him 7 months and thought "Oh, no" by the expression on the couples faces. I hate when parents get into the developmental Olympics. "How old is your little one?" I asked. "Nine months", they replied. Their little girl was half Jack's size.

This happens a lot.
Jack is babyzilla.

I told them that Jack is in the 95th percentile in both height and weight and that he's just huge. I was hoping that this would be a comfort to them, but Spiderman said it just sounded like I was bragging. I didn't want to seem like I was bragging so I told them how my sister was really petite when she was little. That the dr's used to measure her every time my mom took her to the dr and they thought she was going to be a midget, but she eventually caught up. I thought I was being reassuring and the more I kept talking the more I was digging myself into a hole. Diarrhea of the mouth if you will.

Eventually the couple took their little girl and went on the slides. I wanted to call after them "Really, I'm a nice person!" "I have friends!"
But it was too late. I can't really say that I blame them.

I'm officially an asshole.

Trouble and a Half

So what's new with me? I've been reading my Kindle like crazy. I discovered The Hunger Games and obsessively read them all one right after the other. Seriously good books! Now I'm trying to deal with the depression and withdrawl that comes with finishing a good series. Those of you readers know what I'm talking about.

Also? As of tonight Spiderman and I are officially in trouble.

Proud Mama

Partially because I'm lazy and partially because I want to have a nice, happy, not-about-me-being-sick post I'm going to talk about Jackson.
He's gotten SO big and such a little personality. He sits up really well now and is *this* close to crawling. He gets up on all fours and rocks, eventually pushing himself into a sitting position. He still rolls everywhere though and gets into Everything. And everything goes into his mouth.
Isn't he the cutest almost 7 month old ever? He's always chattering away and he's very "busy". Always moving and looking around. Once he figures out the crawling thing we're in trouble. He's very smiley and giggly and loves his jumperoo. I call it maniacal jumping. Today he jumped for 45 minutes straight flailing his arms and squealing the whole time.

He is Spiderman's and my joy. How can you have a bad day when you see this happy little guy?

A Gift Horse

I think the last post jinxed me. That evening I made a trip to the ER doubled over in pain. They sent me home with pain meds, and the next day my pee turned the color of tea.
I followed up with my Dr and after several tests and another trip to the ER they figure that a stone got out of my gallbladder before they removed it and is in the common bile duct blocking off my liver.
So that was keeping me busy for the last two weeks.
Tomorrow I go in to have them try to remove it.
Hopefully after this I will be back to normal......whatever that is.

Grateful

Just like anyone else I've had crappy things happen in my life. Things that were hard to deal with. Things that majorly sucked. Lately, I've had a real run of good fortune and for that I feel grateful.
Things that I'm grateful for right this moment?

• Spiderman's new job which has allowed me to stop worrying all the time about him getting fired and us living in a box.
• The extra money that the above mentioned job has provided us with that helps us to afford not living in a box.
• Since having my gallbladder removed I've become very aware of how lucky we all are to be healthy.
• Spiderman and I were able to hire a sitter for Jack and went to a movie to spend some quality time with each other. (as new parents that's quite a feat!)
• I'm eternally grateful that I have a wonderful hubby, son, family, and friends to share my life with.
• When I was at Walgreens today I noticed that Easter candy has officially hit the shelves. (hey it can't all be deep)
  

I finally cracked.

Anyone who's read this blog knows that I have an addiction to books. I want to read absolutely everything in an obsessive kind of way. In the past I've debated whether my combined love of reading and gadgets was enough to justify getting a Kindle. I never really came to a decision until recently. A coworker of mine got a Kindle for Christmas. I played around with hers a bit and then my mother got one too. She LOVES hers so when my birthday came around she asked if I'd like one. I told her of course I would. I think it was something that I wouldn't buy for myself, but would use if it was given to me.

The timing couldn't have been better since I was getting ready to have my surgery and would have time to read. I had to finish the hard copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo that I was currently reading and then last night I went onto Amazon and started looking for books to download. I got the sequel to Dragon Tattoo and The Hunger Games (two books I've been meaning to get.)

When Jack was new I barely had time to shower much less read. When I went back to work I had even less time. Lately though, he's developed his own little routine of going to bed every night between 7:30 and 8:30. This leaves me evenings open to relax, spend some time with Spiderman, and READ again.

I have a feeling I'm going to love my Kindle. It's pretty easy to use, it downloads quickly, and omygoshtheyhavefreeand99centbooks! So if you'll excuse me, I have some reading to do...

My Little Valentine

Spend time with your Valentine's today!

At least I have good drugs.

In case anyone was wondering having your gallbladdar removed sucks.

That is all.

Why Hello There.....

Gosh, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. So what's new with me?
Well, last week we had Snowmageddon here and got around 23 inches of snow. The blizzard was so bad that several of my coworkers were trapped at the hospital for over 72 hours. Managing the "code white" and getting relief for them took up most of last week.

Then Friday was my 33rd Birthday. I was so exhausted from the stress of that week that I just vegged out and fell asleep early. My stomach is still a nightmare so I didn't even have a birthday cake. It was truly tragic.

This shouldn't be an issue for much longer because my surgery is tomorrow! I'm pretty nervous because this will be the first time I've ever been intubated. It's kind of a case of knowing too much and it's freaking me out. I am, however, MORE than ready to eat what I want without getting deathly ill.

With all that has been going on lately I've been feeling frumpy and unattractive. I hadn't had my hair done since Jack was a month old and it was a hot mess. The greys were showing and the hair itself was dry with split ends (probably from lack of nutrition due to my new diet of jello and more jello). On Saturday I decided to treat myself for my birthday. One cut, color, and deep condition later and goodbye "mom ponytail".

What do you think?

Do you think they'll let me keep it?

This cold is lingering and I'm sick of it. I have to get over it soon because I found out I have gallstones and have to have my gallbladder removed. Like soon.

Since about a month after Jack was born I started having pain, vomiting, and diarrhea that has gotten progressively worse and more frequent. At first I thought it might be a great "diet", but the pain is kind of interfering with my life so I went to my doctor. They did an ultrasound and found the stones. Now I need to have it removed. At least it's done laproscopically. I did tell the doctor that if he found the flap of baby skin to be impeding him in any way I was totally willing to part with it. You know, to make things easier for him and all.

I am waiting for his office to call me back to schedule the surgery. I have to say I'm nervous. I've never been intubated before. I have pretty teeth and I'd like very much to keep them. I guess this is one instance where knowing too much can be a bad thing.

My mother is going to take some time off to help me with Jack since I won't be able to carry anything greater than 5 lbs for a week. I guess laying him on the floor and occasionally throwing puffs at him would probably be a bad idea so she's helping me.

Maybe during my downtime I'll be able to blog more.

Hi My Name Is Sarah...

And I'm addicted to Afrin.

Well, used to be addicted. It could happen to anyone, I swear!

It starts out innocently enough. You have a cold and your nose is plugged up. If you're like me and primarily a nose breather (I can NOT breathe through my mouth) it can make for a miserable time. Especially at night when you're trying to sleep. So you buy some Afrin nose spray. One squirt up each nostril feeling the mentholated burn and within minutes you have clear nasal passages. You can Breathe again!! It's heaven. It worked so well that you do it again the next night. Aghhhhhh. Then 12 hours later it wears off and so you do another hit. Pretty soon it doesn't even last the whole 12 hours before your congestion returns and so you do another hit. Before long you're sniffing the stuff two or three squirts every four hours and your nose is bleeding like a coke fiend.

I mean, that's what probably happens.....cough.....not to me or anything.

So this past weekend, as I have been suffering a head cold, I have stayed strong and only used the Afrin one squirt at bedtime.

And that is enough.

Babies Are Like Terrorists

I live in a constant state of fear.

Those of you who have or have ever had babies know what I'm talking about. Every morning I start my day terrified to go in and check on Jack. Afraid that something happened to him while I was asleep. That's how I wake up every day.

Terrified.

And I'd like to say it gets better, but no. I go to work and I'm afraid of everything that could happen to him while he's out of my sight. Or I'm afraid he'll like the sitter more than me (cuz my new sitter is the bomb). Then I pick him up and I'm afraid that I could trip and drop him or fall down the stairs holding him. When I walk across the room while he is laying on the floor I have a moment of panic that "what if I tripped and fell on him and crushed him".

Then there's the fear that he won't sleep that night. And then he does and I scurry around to do all the things that I have to do because I'm afraid he'll wake up. When he doesn't I fall into a coma and start the whole thing over again.

My baby is a terrorist.

He uses piercing screams and cries as weapons to strike fear into my heart. I am always at def con 1. High Alert!!! But like many captives of tiny dictators I have developed Stockholm syndrome. I love my little captor.

And every day the fear gets a little less. More manageable. I should have it under control just in time to have another one.

And start again.

And Do It With a Smile

What happens when patients are treated like "customers"?

A woman comes to the ER with shortness of breath and chest pains.
Fix me! She cries.
But I won't take any nebulizer treatments or wear oxygen.
You can't draw any of my blood or do any of those "expensive" tests.
Could you also order me some lunch, turn on the TV, and hand me the phone?

What's taking you so long to help me? I'm fading fast...

My Big Boy

Let's start the new year right shall we? With some gratuitous Jackson pics. Here's my big boy in his bib overalls that were a gift from a friend of the family. Thanks Lora!

Here he's just chillaxin' in his room. He looks older than 4 months in this picture doesn't he?