Fear

I was a shy, fearful child. Very unlike my sister who would jump right into the deep end of a pool at 2 years old with no water wings. I was afraid of snakes, large dogs, tornados...many of the things I am still afraid of today. Add to that the adult fears of my husband's sudden death (every time he's late I assume he's dead somewhere), never being able to have children and filing bancrupcy and losing our house. I'm afraid that one day my sweet tooth combined with the fact that I loathe exercise will result in me weighing 300lbs.
I know that most of these things I can control. It doesn't make me fear them any less.
I think my biggest fear in life has been of making mistakes. Maybe it comes from being the eldest child. Maybe it's from being raised by a single mom who wanted the world for us. Maybe it's because I'm a huge people pleaser and cannot help myself. My mother says that I've done everything "right". Graduated high school, went to college, got a job, paid off student loans, bought a condo, got married, bought a house. Sounds pretty normal, right? Sometimes I wish I had made a few mistakes in between there somewhere. It is through our mistakes that we learn greater lessons and I wish I had taken more chances. I haven't made mistakes, but I also haven't done a lot of things that I really wanted. I would have found a job that I had a passion for and not one that I feel lukewarm about. I would have moved for a time to a big city...I LOVE going into Chicago now.
I am happy with the path that led me to my life now. I like my life now. I just have to remember to be brave in the future.