Friday, September 24, 2010

I'm A Bad Mother

Right now Jackson is sleeping in his swing. He does that a lot. I depend on that thing WAY too much. It's just that he loves it so and is so screamy when he's not in it. We've even moved it to our bedroom so that when he's up in the middle of the night I can put him in it and go back to bed.

Because people, I am tired.

How did I manage to get such a high maintenance kid? I mean, I'm not high maintenance or anything..... Little dude wants to be held like ALL.THE.TIME. And he's also starving. ALL.THE.TIME. My boobs can't keep up. Most of the time he just wants to use me as a very warm bodied pacifier. Spiderman doesn't see anything wrong with this. I think it's because he wishes he could too. We feed Jack and put him down at about 10pm. He's up anywhere from 1-3 to eat and then he's all wide eye'd like "hey what's on TV?" The other night we watched back-to-back Three's Company's at 3am. 3AM!! When did I give birth to a club kid?

Last weekend I very much needed a break. On saturday I left Jack for the first time for the afternoon. At noon I went to get my hair done and then went to the mall with a girlfriend while he stayed home with Dad. We only meant to be gone for a few hours but I ended up coming home at 6:30pm. I felt so guilty. Because I actually forgot I had a baby for a little while. When I got home it was like I forgot what he looked like. I felt so bad! Then on Sunday my mother came over and watched him while Spiderman and I went to dinner and a movie. We mostly talked about Jack and wondered what he was doing. It was so weird.

I don't even want to think about what it'll be like when I go back to work!


Shannon said...

Oh, Sarah! You are most definitely NOT a bad mother! Every thing you wrote you felt, I assure you, every single mom out there has also felt.

Trust me, it will get better. It may feel like it's getting worse before it gets better... but it will get better! Just hang in there. And try not to feel guilty about needing a break (although "mom guilt" is hard not to feel... even I still feel guilty for leaving my girls and they're 7 and 9!)


MelADramatic Mommy said...

You're not a bad mom. It's happened to all of us. Children are exhausting. It's hard to see while you're in the middle of it, but this phase goes by fast relatively speaking.

Before you know it he'll be one and you'll wonder where the first 2-4 months went. Little ones don't know and don't care if the house is clean. I wish I'd slept when the baby did. I can only imagine how much I could have coped better had I been well rested.

It's not easy following that advice but try if you can. You're doing fine!

JENNerilizations said...

"My boobs can't keep up"...that's hilarious!