Friday, November 13, 2009


Tomorrow I have to go to a baby shower so today I had to go here: The enemy of all infertile women.

For expectant mothers and pretty much everyone else, it's a place to ohhhh and ahhhh over carseats, high chairs, tiny jumpers, and the world's smallest socks (how are their feet that tiny?) For me, it's a kin to torture. It makes me want to stick sharp objects in my eyes.


I have had to go to here three times in the last two months. Every time is a mixture of emotions. I mean, of course I'm happy for the soon-to-be parents, but it always reminds me of what I don't have. May never have. And it makes me sad. And a little jealous. I've gotten to hate showers. I've been to over a dozen in the last 2 years. I hate trying to put on a forced overly happy face to convince those who know what I'm going through that I'm alright. It's extremely self centered of me, I know. But it hurts my pride to see the way people look at me when they find out I can't get pregnant. With that uncomfortable pity on their faces. Then they inevitably will pat my hand and say some condescending, bullshit platitude that is designed to make themselves feel better, and me feel like shit.

It'll happen when it's supposed to.

Just relax, and try not to think about it.

Have you tried....(insert an odd suggestion that is usually TMI)?

Do I sound bitter? It's not meant to sound bitter. Just to convey my dislike of showers. If I didn't like my new friend so much, I wouldn't even go. It's her shower. So I'll put on my cute outfit and forced smile, eat finger foods and cake, and play lame baby shower games. I'll even fawn over the little socks and hooded towels with duckies on them (they are pretty cute).
Because I'm that kind of friend.


readsalot said...

That must be really hard. you are being a very good friend and I'm sure she appreciates it.

Anonymous said...

As one who did the same thing, you are in my thoughts. You don't sound bitter, but it is how you feel. And, it hurts. Take special care of yourself.

Jen said...

I really can't imagine how difficult that must be to go through. I don't think you sound bitter at all--just truthful about your feelings.


Robin said...

You are a good friend, indeed! I can't imagine how hard it is - I am so sorry. Can we still be friends if I admit I hate babies r us even though I have a kid?