Is it possible to gain weight from watching the Food and Cooking Network all day long? When I was in the hospital I had limited cable channels, but I did have the Food Network and HGTV. Since I've been home those seem to be the two things I watch the most of. Jack seems to like it, and it is one of those things you can have on as background noise and not be irritated by it. Now the E! Channel, on the other hand, is my guilty pleasure. Spiderman sighs and rolls his eyes when I watch E! News or the Kardashians. I have to watch it on the sly. This has become really hard for me since he's been home with Jack and I these past 2 weeks.
One afternoon I did get to watch several old episodes in a row while he was out running errands. I came across the episode where Kourtney gives Khloe a bikini wax and she claims she's also done anal bleaching on people. Hold on......what?......anal bleaching? I was all WTF is anal bleaching? Of course I had to Google that shit. Apparently when you have all the hair removed from your lady parts you notice that your butt hole is a darker color than the skin around it. And some people feel the need to bleach it to make it more aesthetically pleasing.
Aesthetically pleasing? It's your butt hole for crying out loud. It's where poop comes from. That in itself is not all that pleasing of a concept. Maybe it's me and my irritable bowel, or the fact that I don't have a lot of traffic in that general area but this seems a bit excessive. I mean, are they getting complaints or something? Any guy who is lucky enough to be back there should thank his lucky stars and not be critiquing anything!
Tell me, what's your opinion on the topic? Am I getting really old, or does this seem a little much?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Already a Week Old
I'm going to start this post by admitting something: I have never really liked babies.
*gasp*
When I tell people this they probably think I'm a horrible person. I mean babies are cute and all, but I usually prefer them when they're several months old and actually start doing things. When ever one of my friends would have a new baby I would hold them and coo over them, and then get bored pretty quickly and hand them back. I realized all this when I first got pregnant and was prepared to totally wait out the next few months until he was older and "more fun".
What I wasn't prepared for is to be totally and completely smitten. I could hold him and watch him all day long. It really is different when it's your own child. I think he's pretty cool. When he sleeps he's a cuddler and I love to smell his head and smooch his cheeks. When he's awake he's looking all around and loves to stare at my face and listen to me talk to him. He already has a little personality. The picture in the previous post where he's giving mommy the finger? He does that all on his own. A lot of the time. He is very into using his hands.
He's already my happy little monkey.
I mean who wouldn't love this sweet little face?
*gasp*
When I tell people this they probably think I'm a horrible person. I mean babies are cute and all, but I usually prefer them when they're several months old and actually start doing things. When ever one of my friends would have a new baby I would hold them and coo over them, and then get bored pretty quickly and hand them back. I realized all this when I first got pregnant and was prepared to totally wait out the next few months until he was older and "more fun".
What I wasn't prepared for is to be totally and completely smitten. I could hold him and watch him all day long. It really is different when it's your own child. I think he's pretty cool. When he sleeps he's a cuddler and I love to smell his head and smooch his cheeks. When he's awake he's looking all around and loves to stare at my face and listen to me talk to him. He already has a little personality. The picture in the previous post where he's giving mommy the finger? He does that all on his own. A lot of the time. He is very into using his hands.
He's already my happy little monkey.
I mean who wouldn't love this sweet little face?Thursday, August 19, 2010
Our First Day Home
Can I just start by saying that I don't know why anyone would have a baby without an epidural?
It was fabulous and wonderful. I went into the hospital early Monday morning after having contractions 3 minutes apart. The Dr came in and broke my water (which was strange) and started me on Pitosin (which was horrible). The contractions were 30 seconds apart and were so awful that I thought I was going to die! Then they gave me the epidural. *sigh* I didn't feel a thing after that and even took a nap.
When I was finally dilated to 10 and ready to push it was about 4pm. I pushed for an hour and a half and little Jack's heart rate dropped with every push. They suspected the cord was wrapped around his neck and decided to do an emergency c-section. It all happened pretty fast and felt like and out of body experience. Even though the c-section was unplanned I'm glad that we had it. Turns out the cord was wrapped pretty tightly around his neck 3 times! I think it was all that movin' and shakin' he did.
We came home today and I'm still extremely sore but I have good pain meds.
Jack and I on the other hand are having eating issues. I want him to eat and he wants to sleep 14 hours a day. Part of me is like "that's my boy" but he needs to eat!!! He latches on, takes a few really good pulls and falls asleep. Other than the not eating, he's pretty cute. We like him. When he's awake he's very awake and a bit of a busybody. He looks at people when they talk like he's trying to focus on them. He also has a bit of a sassy attitude.
I wouldn't be a good mom or blogger if I didn't post some pics so here they are:
Here he is smiling at his Auntie Abbie.
Here he's chillaxin' on his boppy.
I was trying to get a picture of the alligator on his t-shirt and he decided to show me some of his attitude.
Spiderman loves him and pretty much wants to hold him All. The. Time.
It was fabulous and wonderful. I went into the hospital early Monday morning after having contractions 3 minutes apart. The Dr came in and broke my water (which was strange) and started me on Pitosin (which was horrible). The contractions were 30 seconds apart and were so awful that I thought I was going to die! Then they gave me the epidural. *sigh* I didn't feel a thing after that and even took a nap.
When I was finally dilated to 10 and ready to push it was about 4pm. I pushed for an hour and a half and little Jack's heart rate dropped with every push. They suspected the cord was wrapped around his neck and decided to do an emergency c-section. It all happened pretty fast and felt like and out of body experience. Even though the c-section was unplanned I'm glad that we had it. Turns out the cord was wrapped pretty tightly around his neck 3 times! I think it was all that movin' and shakin' he did.
We came home today and I'm still extremely sore but I have good pain meds.
Jack and I on the other hand are having eating issues. I want him to eat and he wants to sleep 14 hours a day. Part of me is like "that's my boy" but he needs to eat!!! He latches on, takes a few really good pulls and falls asleep. Other than the not eating, he's pretty cute. We like him. When he's awake he's very awake and a bit of a busybody. He looks at people when they talk like he's trying to focus on them. He also has a bit of a sassy attitude.
I wouldn't be a good mom or blogger if I didn't post some pics so here they are:
Here he is smiling at his Auntie Abbie.
Here he's chillaxin' on his boppy.
I was trying to get a picture of the alligator on his t-shirt and he decided to show me some of his attitude.
Spiderman loves him and pretty much wants to hold him All. The. Time.So that's all I have the energy for today. I'm off to put my swollen feet up and take a percoset!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
He's Arrived!
Monday, August 9, 2010
What Every Baby Needs
Ninja Baby now has his very own nun chucks courtesy of my friend Angela. They're pretty awesome! 
Spiderman says that now his Ninja training can officially begin....if he ever comes out.
Spiderman says that now his Ninja training can officially begin....if he ever comes out.Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Post Where I Talk about Poop.
Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart or shy of bladder that's for sure. I have peed in just about every single bathroom within a 20 mile radius of my house. There have even been times when I go to the store where that I use the bathroom upon first entering the store, do my shopping, and have to pee again before I leave. It's impressive. I could probably write reviews of all the bathrooms.
Pregnancy also does a number on your bowels. I have known many people over the years who tell me they can never poop in public. Actually, never poop anywhere other than their house. I have always found this amazing. Somewhere around the time of my parent's divorce (I was about 13) I developed a nervous stomach. Actually, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Certain foods and undue stress have me either constipated or running to the bathroom. I don't have the luxury of having poop hang-ups. When I gotta go, I gotta go. I don't care where I am. I even have a certain "private" bathroom off the ICU that I use at work. Strategic pooping. That's what I call it. The last few weeks of this pregnancy have definitely done a number on my stomach. I think it's because it's like Dance Party USA in there with Ninja Baby acting like a Solid Gold dancer and pushing on my stomach and intestines.
Another interesting pregnancy development? Weird ass dreams. Some of my favorites include dead friends and relatives, breaking into a pet store and stealing kittens, and pregnant pole dancing complete with black maternity thong panties. Cuz that's what people want to see, right? A hugely pregnant stripper.
Anyway.
I'm also including probably the last belly shot I'll ever take. Thank GOD!
38 Million weeks pregnant
Pregnancy also does a number on your bowels. I have known many people over the years who tell me they can never poop in public. Actually, never poop anywhere other than their house. I have always found this amazing. Somewhere around the time of my parent's divorce (I was about 13) I developed a nervous stomach. Actually, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Certain foods and undue stress have me either constipated or running to the bathroom. I don't have the luxury of having poop hang-ups. When I gotta go, I gotta go. I don't care where I am. I even have a certain "private" bathroom off the ICU that I use at work. Strategic pooping. That's what I call it. The last few weeks of this pregnancy have definitely done a number on my stomach. I think it's because it's like Dance Party USA in there with Ninja Baby acting like a Solid Gold dancer and pushing on my stomach and intestines.
Another interesting pregnancy development? Weird ass dreams. Some of my favorites include dead friends and relatives, breaking into a pet store and stealing kittens, and pregnant pole dancing complete with black maternity thong panties. Cuz that's what people want to see, right? A hugely pregnant stripper.
Anyway.
I'm also including probably the last belly shot I'll ever take. Thank GOD!
38 Million weeks pregnantIf one more person asks me if I'm having twins I'm going to poke them in the eye.
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