Any Suggestions?

What did you want to be when you grew up? That’s a question I’ve
asked myself over and over throughout the years. Actually, I asked
myself that just last week. I’m still undecided. Seriously,
shouldn’t I know by now?

Here’s a list of what I have wanted to be in the past:
1. Wonder Woman
2. Nurse
3. Lawyer
4. Day and Night Barbie
5. Writer
6. Doctor (Cardiothoracic surgeon to be more specific)

Notice what’s not really on my list? Respiratory Therapist. Not
even remotely close to being on my list? Respiratory Therapy
Supervisor.
On my bad days at work I REALLY want to resign but then I think “what
else can I do?”
I mean, I’m not really qualified to do much else. I’m not
exceptionally good at anything in particular that people would go “you
should really do THIS”.

I can’t imagine myself doing this for the rest of my life. It’s
too depressing to think of. I just don’t know what else I could do or
even want to do.

I may have to start asking little children what they want to be…cuz
I’m looking for ideas.

Do you have any suggestions?

A Difficult Game

Among the many new tasks I have to do for my "new" position the staff schedule is probably my LEAST favorite. Including the PRN staff there are over 40 employees in my department. They all have unique availability with school schedules, sitter schedules, and the fun fact that I need 24 hour coverage. Some do 8 hour shifts only some do 12 hours shifts only. Others like doubles or a mixture of the 3.

But not all together.

Or they want them all together in one long marathon of work with a longer stretch off between. I have a grid of boxes. The top of the boxes is the date. The side of the boxes are the employees. The bottom boxes are my shift tally. With all the availability issues, scheduling for my department is kind of like a very complex game of chess.

If the pieces yelled at you.

I have learned that you can never make everyone happy...especially with their schedules.

Shit Really Does Run Downhill

Since becoming the supervisor in my department my job duties have changed drastically. I never knew so much was involved behind the scenes to running a hospital. I have been going to meetings with the other "leadership" in the hospital and it has been another eye opener. When I go to these meetings everyone is like "We're so awesome! This is the Best hospital EVER! We Can Do Anything!! Great Job Everyone!!!!" Everyone is smart and positive and glowy. Then I go back to my department with the people who are on the front lines. The ones who do all the heavy lifting.

They are not so positive and definitely no one is glowy.

I kind of want to stay at the meetings. Who wouldn't? Job satisfaction greatly improves the higher you go up the ladder. I've really had to adjust my mindset drastically which was surprising to me since I've only gone up one small rung. But I'm not "one of the gang" anymore. What I say has some weight to it. I represent more than just myself. I also have to make hard decisions now that I didn't have to before. I have to deal with the fact that some people are going to hate me just because I'm the boss. I also have resistance from others because they know me as a coworker and now they have to listen to me. There are a few in particular that have no respect for me as their boss and are giving me a hard time. I'm not sure how to handle them. They are confrontational people and try to bully me into getting their way. I just try to keep consistent and hope that with time they will accept me.

What else should I do to earn their respect? How do you handle confrontational people?

And Do It With a Smile

What happens when patients are treated like "customers"?

A woman comes to the ER with shortness of breath and chest pains.
Fix me! She cries.
But I won't take any nebulizer treatments or wear oxygen.
You can't draw any of my blood or do any of those "expensive" tests.
Could you also order me some lunch, turn on the TV, and hand me the phone?

What's taking you so long to help me? I'm fading fast...

An Interesting Development

I'm sorry I haven't posted much this week, but I've been busy with another work transition. It's something that was in the works for a while, but I couldn't really talk about it. As of the new year, I will be the new supervisor of my department! This week I have been "unofficially" learning my new job. So what does this mean for me?

• I won't be doing as much direct patient care, but I do intend to help my coworkers out when I can so I don't lose my skills. Also, I probably won't be able to help myself. I like the clinical side.
• I now get the hassle of making out the schedule for all 51 staff members at both campuses.
• I get a set schedule of Mon-fri. Which is both nice, and annoying. Nice because I don't work weekends, but annoying because I'm used to working 12's and only being there a few days a week.
• No more holidays. 'Nuff said.
• I do have a beeper which, depending on the day, can be a real pain in the ass.
• I also get a 10% raise. Hollah!

I'm both excited and nervous about this new development. Excited because I can do and learn some new things, and nervous because I know there will be people who will challenge me. We'll just have to see how it all turns out!

Hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year's!

Survival

I made it through my first day back at work. My charting is ridiculously slow. It took me forever to get through my patients today. Partly because of the new charting and partly because everyone kept stopping me to ask after Jack. And to look at the photo album I brought. (what kind of mom would I be if I didn't have one?) Thank goodness for my coworker Heidi or I never would have finished!

There were so many worries I had going back. That I would miss too much. That he would like the sitter more than us. I just had to tell myself that it would be the same amount of hours away from me a day when he went to school. Did I want to be one of those freak moms who pressed their faces against the window of his kindergarten classroom? I think it would be harder for me then because I'd have 5 years more of attachment. He ended up doing fine. And I did too. I didn't even call the sitter once. Everyone at work was impressed that I could resist it.

I was, however, worried about Spiderman. He had a routine dr's appt for his asthma yesterday and his blood pressure was very high. For someone who has never had any issues with this I was pretty worried. That's all I need is for my hubby to have a stroke! They referred him to a cardiologist and his appt was today. They gave him some meds, told him to exercise more, stay away from salt, and have an EKG. He has another appt in a month so keep your fingers crossed!

That's pretty much all for now since I'm completely exhausted.....

Dread

So.
Tomorrow is it. The day I go back to work. I'm pretty worried, but I have everything possible done tonight so I have very little to do in the morning. Spiderman will drop him at the sitter and I will pick him up. I've been having trouble sleeping the past few nights worrying about things. My brain just won't shut off. I just have to make it through the first day right? Then it will get better.

So tonight I'm going to take a bath, pop a unisom and head to bed.

Wish me luck!

Big Changes Ahead

Today I took Jackson to the sitter for a trial run. It's so strange to be here in the house by myself. I almost don't remember what it's like to have a baby-free house. I miss him.

This trial run is only in part for him and the sitter. It's also for me. I need to get used to leaving him since I go back to work in two weeks. That's right, TWO WEEKS! I can't believe how fast that time went. I have to say I'm completely terrified and freaked out. Everything in my life has changed so much. I've changed so much. I'm not a huge fan of change and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle all of it. While I was gone the chamber got a new computer charting system. I'm going to have to learn it when I get back while I'm still doing my job as usual. So I can't even go back to my same routine at work. It'll be all f'd up. Plus I'll be stressed about Jack and missing him. I hope my coworkers help me out because I'm going to be a mess.

Then there's a tiny part of me that wants to go back to work. I miss my job. I miss the people. I'll be a little relieved to not be the only person responsible for Jack's care. Is that wrong? I'm sure that in a few weeks I'll have developed a new routine with work and Jack and won't even remember how scared I was. I just have to take everything as it comes and try to juggle what I can right?

So today I'll catch up on my blog, housecleaning, and maybe go the the gym. I'll make cupcakes and run errands.

And try not to drive by the sitter's house......

Baby Crack

Since I am raising a little boy who eats like he's a teenager I have had to start giving Jack supplemental bottles of formula. My milk just cannot keep up. Plus, he's a much happier little guy when he sucks down the formula. We had several bottles of Enfamil that the hospital gave us of the premixed formula. Apparently this is baby crack. He would inhale that stuff and we went through it pretty quickly. Now we've moved on to the powder form which he digs, but not as much.

So what does this mean for me? I get slightly more sleep because Spiderman can give him a bottle. Also? I don't have to always whip my boob out in public. As much as I loved doing that, we had some logistical problems. The really cool nursing cover that a girlfriend gave me had polka dots on it and the bright print completely distracts Jack. He spends the whole time looking at it and can't focus on the goal. It takes twice as long to feed him with it. Another benefit of a breast milk/formula combo diet is when I go back to work. It will make things much easier for everyone involved if he can be fed by a sitter.

As for the sitter situation: it's still up in the air. I'm stressing about it because I go back to work in a little over 6 weeks and have NO idea where he's going. Part of me would like to put him in a sling and take him with me. I know exactly where in our department I could set up the pack and play and everything. Realistically that's just not possible. Plus I think it would be good for both Jack and I if I get some time away to be with big people. I need to work. Not just for the money, but for my sanity.

I joined a cool website called Care.com. It lets you post a job listing and sends you responses from people in your area. I've sent emails to a few to set up interviews so keep your fingers crossed. Also? If you happen to live in NWI and know of someone who watches infants can you let me know?

All you working mom's out there: What did you do about child care?

People are Strange

In all my years working in healthcare you'd think that I would have seen everything. But no, I'm still constantly surprised by the odd people out there.

The other day I had a patient whose first name was Cellophane. Yep. Cellophane. What the hell were her parents thinking?

Today I had a patient, a young man about 47 years old, who had throat cancer. He'd stopped taking his cancer meds because he was having drug interference and it was making him sick. What was the cancer drugs interfering with you ask?

The cocaine, and pint of gin that he has every day.

Of the three, it was the cancer meds he stopped? Seriously?

I don't know why I'm surprised.

I Met a Strong Woman Today

Today was one of those days that really make you think. I had to go on a transport to a local hospital to pick up a baby because that hospital didn't have a neonatal ICU. I packed my things and headed out in the ambulance. On the ride over the nurse filled me in on the background of the mother.

She was 21, and had been in the military. While serving in Iraq she was brutally raped by one of her fellow soldiers. And by brutal I mean that she suffered several broken bones and a pelvis that was fractured in multiple places. She'd had several surgeries for her injuries. This caused a lot of scarring that made for a difficult delivery. The baby was born by C-section and was having some respiratory distress.

After getting the baby settled in the transport isolette, we took her to see her mom one more time before heading on the road. As I watched her holding her little girl's hand I couldn't help but wonder what I would have done in her situation. Would I have been able to keep a daily reminder of that brutal act? No one would have faulted her if she would have given it up, or even chose not to have it.

I'm not sure what decision I would have made, and I'm very thankful that I don't have to.

Now My Week is Complete

About an hour before my 12 hour shift was over today, I was called to evaluate a patient for home oxygen before they were discharged. The process is pretty simple. You get an oxygen level with the patient on oxygen, then remove them from the oxygen and see if they drop to the accepted level. If not, you walk them down the hall and see if they drop (your body consumes more oxygen when you move). If they do, they need oxygen.

So I got my baseline level of oxygen on this little old lady and then told her that she could take the oxygen tubing off of her nose. Let your nose and ears rest for a bit, I told her. After explaining that I would be back in 10 min or so (you have to give the oxygen time to leave her body) I walked down the hall to do some charting. 10 minutes later I returned to the room and checked her oxygen saturation. It was still not low enough so I told her we'd have to go for a little walk. I gave her my arm and helped her up. She took a few steps and let out a yelp. It was then that I noticed that her oxygen tubing was caught up around her. So what did I do? I found the tubing and gave it a good tug thinking it would become un-caught and we could continue on our walk.

I was wrong. She yelped again. I followed the tubing and it was down the front of her pants. How it got there I have no idea. Again, I tugged, lighter this time and again she yelped. I followed it more. It went through her legs and was wedged pretty good.

In her butt crack.

Guess who had to put gloves on and pry her oxygen tubing from deep between her sweaty butt cheeks? Yep, that would be me.

So next week when you're having a really crappy day at work just stop and remember.
I win.

I Haven't Mentioned Work in a While.....

I was wandering around the blogosphere and visited the Respiratory Therapy Cave. He had posted this video. If you're an RT too you will think this is hysterical....and true.

It makes me feel a little bit like I'm not alone in my exasperation.

Cubs Cheat Death!

Strange thing happened to me today. We were coding a patient, this frail little 84 year old man. So frail that his ribs crunched when I was doing compressions. We coded him for 20 minutes and he was basically already in the light. The nurse left the room to speak to the family and let them know of the status. No matter what she said to the family they just didn't get it. They insisted that she come back into the room and shout "Go Cubs!" into his ear. They were absolutely 100% convinced that hearing that would make him come back to life.

And shocked when it didn't.

People are strange.

This Is Why Nurses Hate Me....

Nurse: Could you come to Mr. So-and-so's room for a minute? I think he might be dead.

Me: Is he breathing?

Nurse: I don't know.

Me: Does he have a pulse?

Nurse: I don't know.

Me: Ummm........Isn't that the first day of nursing school? Dead vs Alive?

I can't believe she makes more money than I do!!!

I Saw This on a Hallmark Card

Why I Work ( a short story)

I like food.

The end.

I See Dead People

I have a habit of finding dead people.

I mean, I work in a hospital and all so it's not like it's that unusual. I don't find them at the grocery store or hanging around my neighborhood or anything.

Because that would be weird.

Last week I found 2 people dead. One of the patients was alive when I first saw them. I assessed them (respiration's, pulse, breath sounds) and put them on a breathing treatment. I left the room to check on another patient and when I came back 10 minutes later....dead. He was a Do Not Resuscitate.

Another time I had a patient that I put on this machine we have called The Vest. It fits around the chest, inflates, and vibrates. The shaking will loosen any snot they have in their lungs so that the patient can then cough it up. I put my patient on it (who was still chatting with me, by the way) set the timer, and left the room. The patient was flipping through the channels on the TV. When I returned? Dead. Another DNR patient.

Once, while making my rounds first thing in the morning, I walked into my patient's room. The curtains were drawn and the patient was sleeping with the covers tucked up around her chin. Not wanting to wake her I started a nebulizer treatment gently placing it on her face. I then went to take her pulse. There wasn't one. I listened for breathing or a heart beat. None. She was dead. And getting part of a treatment. The best part? When I went to the nurses' station to tell them? They already knew. Usually they put a sign on the door letting us know not to go in the room. The bodies stay in their room until someone from the morgue can come and get them. These nurses were too lazy to put up a sign and were watching the reactions of the different people who were coming out. My coworkers? They are awesome.

It is the nature of my job to be around death. I try really hard not to take it personally. Especially when I have days like my day of 4 code blue's. Sometimes I feel like I'm a shit magnet. If you have an iffy patient who looks like they might code? Assign me that floor. Through no fault of my own, my mere presence on the floor will make them code.

Apparently I'm the Angel of Death. Or just REALLY unlucky.

It's Official.....

The air conditioning at the Chamber has been broken all weekend. It is humid and about 90 degrees throughout the hospital. This new development combined with my day of 4 code blue's has confirmed my long held suspicions.

I do in fact work in hell.

I'm feeling a little more together today and more posts will follow.

I Got a Polo Shirt, What Did You Get?

This past week was National Hospitals Week. The Chamber got us all these as gifts.This is so much better than a raise. Or enough staff to do our jobs properly.

Thanks.

A Double Whammy

Not so much a good day here in the Spoonful household. Actually it's the perfect end to a really crappy week. But I'm going to try to be positive. I'm positive that I need a glass of wine.....or maybe a bottle.
So here's the general gist of my shitty day.

A. You know my new position? The one as educator? The one that has made me love my job again and rediscover what got me into Respiratory to begin with? The one that allowed me to have a normal schedule and to have some semblance of a life?
It's been eliminated. No more students after the end of this semester. Because, you know, it's all about the $$ and clinical educating isn't something you can bill for. That's really smart on their part seeing as how in the last two years we have hired 15 new employees all of which had been new graduates that had been at the Chamber of Horrors for clinicals. Students are good for recruiting. And we desperately need staff and will continue to need staff for a while.

Lest I sound bitter, here's the bright side of this news. I'm not losing my job completely. I will just go back to being a staff therapist. I kind of missed working 12 hour shifts and having extra days off. Mon-Fri can be a little tiresome. I won't be salary anymore which means I can pick up extra shifts to make a little more money to pay for all my medical bills.

Medical Bills?

B. Oh yeah, I also found out that I'm not pregnant today. That the painful, expensive procedure that required me taking time off work for didn't work. That all the crazy hormones, and shots, and tests were for nothing. Awesome!

The bright side of this? I know, it's hard to find, but I knew what I was getting into with this one. I knew that it might not work. I was even prepared for it to take a couple of trys. The doctor told me it probably would.
So we'll try again. It may take one or two more attempts for this to work. I can do that.
I just wish I hadn't received this information all in the same day, within a couple of hours of each other.
It really sucks.

The good news about not being pregnant?

At least I can drink.