Inadequate

Since I've been home with the boys, I've been trying to take them to the park and to play-dates.  The social interaction with kids his age is good for Jackson and I REALLY need some adult conversation some days.  It's been nice to have the support of other mom's when I'm feeling overwhelmed and when I was having difficulty with the PPD.

Sometimes the mom's make me feel inadequate though.  Let's take a few weeks ago at the park for example.    
I was meeting a girlfriend of mine and her two children at one of the many parks in my town.  When I arrived, I unloaded all of my children and their paraphernalia into my double stroller and wheeled over to my friend who was chatting with another mom.  This mom I had met on two other occasions and she intimidates me a little.  That day she was dressed very cutely in a navy blue and white striped top, cute jeans, a brown messenger bag across her body and an adorable fedora jauntily placed on her head.  She has two little girls.  One is roughly 8 months older than Jack and the other is a month older then Ben.  Both were dressed cute and the older girl was playing nicely on the swings.  At one point she handed me her baby to hold while she retrieved healthy snacks for her oldest.   I was shocked.....this baby smelled like she was wearing perfume she smelled so good.

Then there's me.

 I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt to hide the remaining baby gut that I still have.  I don't remember if I had brushed my teeth that day and wasn't wearing makeup.  Jack was dirty and throwing woodchips, and Ben smelled like baby sweat and old formula.  My snack was a pack of Welch's fruit snacks (he doesn't usually have a big snack or he won't eat lunch).  We barely made it out of the house that day intact.

I don't know if I hate this chick or totally have a crush on her.

I could let this make me feel bad about myself or I could realize that this is what this woman does.  She's a stay at home mom.  This is her every day life.  Mine is on hiatus.  I normally balance work with kids and feel out of sorts now.

But I have been making a bit more of an effort with how I dress.  I put makeup on more days and wear "real" clothes.
My kids may be a work in progress, but they now at least smell like hers thanks to this:

Hey it's the small things...

If He Weren't So Cute...

With a toddler you cannot show any signs of weakness. They pick up on that right away and totally use it to their advantage. They prey on the weak and can eat you alive. Jack is what my mother calls a "spirited" child. This just means that sometimes he can be a real jerk.

This past Friday was one of those times.

Weakness #1 Jack had been up in the night several times Wednesday and Thursday so I was tired. After work I decided to take him to Khol's because I was in desperate need of some new bras. I put him in the stroller/cart and off we went to the women's undies. While I was searching for my size, he managed to climb out of the stroller and remove an entire rack of bras. I stuffed him into the cart part and frantically picked up the bras. While I was doing this he was shoving who knows what from the bottom of the cart into his mouth. I fished that out of this mouth, grabbed my bras, and went to check out where I then got the evil eye from another mom in line in front of me like "why can't you control your child?" I held him the entire time we checked out and headed for the car.

Jack's car seat is positioned in the middle of the backseat rear facing. I have been meaning to turn it around, but was stalling as long as humanly possible. Also, my car is a Saturn Ion and the backseat, although a four door, is microscopic. I have to get into the car to put him in the seat and frankly the bigger my belly gets the harder it is to maneuver around back there.

Weakness #2. Because Jack is so "spirited" he doesn't always like getting into his car seat. This day was no exception. With his superhuman toddler strength and wiggling accompanied by loud screaming he managed to get away from me. I chased him around the car for 20 minutes with him staying just out of my reach. What a sight we must have been. Me sitting in the backseat sobbing in frustration and him smiling away in the driver's seat "steering" and occasionally leaning to sip from the straw of my McDonald's coke in the cupholder. At this point I called Spiderman to keep me from either murdering him or leaving him in the parking lot of Khol's altogether. Total Mommy fail. I eventually gathered myself, turned his car seat around, scooped him up, and flung my entire body over him and strapped him into the seat chanting you will get in this seat over and over again.

He has been acting out more and more lately and I know part if it is normal toddler boundary testing, but also part of it is me. I used to play with him more. Lately, I've been so tired or physically cannot get down on the floor for long periods of time to play with him like I used to. This leaves a very busy, curious child to entertain himself more...by climbing on things and getting into anything he possibly can. I feel like all I do is yell at him. He's going to think his name is Jackson No by the time he's two. If I can't handle him now what is it going to be like when Baby X gets here?

I know some of you mom's out there have been though this. Even you non-mom's can offer suggestions! I will try anything at this point! What would you do in my situation?

Childrearing Lesson # 150

What happens when you don't pay attention to a teething child in the grocery store?
They eat a frozen pizza.